Eight Versions of Crazy

I just read a piece at Alpha Mom about kids and homework.  Go ahead and read it.  I'll wait....

I sit somewhere in the middle on this topic. 

I review homework each night.  I help and walk through the problems if necessary (and lately I've been having to refer to Google to help Domino with his 3rd grade math homework) and I make sure they understand what they're working on.  Teachers used to be able to give their students this one-on-one attention, but current classroom sizes make that nearly impossible.  I am the only one-on-one educational time my kids will likely get during the day and I better make the most of it. 

I get irritated when I see kids come in to school with over the top projects -- like the kindergarten leprechaun trap that looks like something that would appear in Lord of the Rings.  Or the massive paper mache dinosaur shaped mailbox supposedly made by a 6 year old.  Or the Egg Drop container that has clearly not been built by a 5 year old, but has been designed and built by someone with a degree from MIT.  Or when the child wins the award for the new jog-a-thon slogan and she announces "My dad is the best at rhyming!".  It is obvious the child had zero involvement in the project with the exception of bringing home the assignment instructions.

BUT...

The view isn't quite so clear from my high horse.

I have been guilty on more than one occasion of  taking over a project or two.  For example, you should see Domino's 100 day of school project from his kindergarten year... 

Kids needed to bring in 100 of something.  One came with 100 Cheerios in a baggie, another came with 100 stickers on a piece of paper, and another came with 100 Legos in a box.  What did Domino bring?  At the time, Domino was a huge NASCAR fan so he wanted to bring 100 of his Hot Wheels cars.  I convinced him that he would lose those, so I painstakingly researched photos of NASCAR cars, searching out photos of each car with their numbers 1-100 on the side, and printed out each car to exact dimensions.  "We" got a huge roll of butcher paper and Domino glue-sticked the cars in numerical order - well, at least up until about #34 when he got tired of the project and me nitpicking where he was placing each car on the page - and the end result was a 50 foot roll of paper race track with cars glued in numerical order.  A very cool looking 100 day project, but I was guilty of a hostile homework takeover.  Lesson (sorta) learned.

This week is Valentine's.  Both boys need to bring in Valentines for all of their classmates.

I dutifully went to Target and picked out FOUR boxes of Valentines, 2 for each boy, selected each box based on the boy's likes as well as the kids in their classroom.  I must have spent a good 20 minutes in the Valentine section, mulling the merits of shiny foil Transformers style versus Clone Wars with pencils, Phineas and Ferb with tattoos versus an unknown brand with silly bandz. Valentines come in packs of 24 these days and since the manufacturers haven't gotten the memo about the increased class sizes of 28+, an additional box was necessary for each boy.  I showed them the Valentines I spent so much time picking out and was met with a tepid response at best.  It wasn't the "THAT'S AWESOME MOM!" I was hoping for...

... so I became "that mom".

"I can whip up some quick Valentines off the internet", I thought.  "I can get some really cool graphics from one of their favorite video games.  It can't be hard to come up with some catchy Valentine's phrases.  They'll love what I come up with!  They'll be the cool kids with the cool Valentines!"

Five hours later and about $50 worth of printer ink, I now have this to show for my Saturday afternoon.

I made EIGHT different styles because I'm just that crazy.

Tomorrow I will battle with the boys to scissor and glue stick, fold card stock, and address 30 Valentines each.

I'm sure if they knew the workload that lies ahead of them with these new homemade Valentines they would have responded more favorably to the Target ones.  Maybe that's the lesson they're supposed to learn.

Wordless Wednesday

Music To My Ears

It's not often I'm away from the boys for more than a few hours. Honestly, I get a handful of days throughout the year when I'm "off duty". They take much planning and coordination of schedules, often requiring babysitting, and sometimes it feels like it was more trouble than it was worth. Tonester's wacky work schedule has never made time away from the boys easy for me.

Unexpectedly, yesterday was one of those days I needed to be away for the entire day. Although my day was not one of pleasure (a topic for another post...) I was gone from morning into the evening. Thankfully, it coincided with Tonester's day off.

When I finally arrived home I was welcomed by a freshly showered and pajamaed Domino, cuddled up on the couch reading his new favorite book "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". Then I was greeted by a half-toweled and wet Rascal, running through the house to get his pajamas on with Tonester running after him trying to hold the other half of the towel up. Smiles all around.

Tonester and I sat in the kitchen for a while, updating each other on the events of the day -- and then I heard it.

Rascal had joined Domino on the couch and snuggled in close. Domino was reading his book to Rascal. They must have sat there for about a half hour together, no fighting, no whining, just 2 boys enjoying a good book together. Each time Tonester would try to say something to me I would "shhh!!" him so I could listen in on the brother bonding some more. My heart swelled and filled with joy in that way the Grinch's does at the end of How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

After an incredibly stressful day away, I could think of no better way to end it.


Update:
The boys woke up this morning, and instead of heading for the TV to watch SpongeBob or beg to play video games, they headed straight for the couch together with the book!

Case Closed

Recently, I noticed an anomaly while folding Rascal's laundry. His clean laundry consisted of several pairs of pants, a few pairs of sweat pants, several plain t-shirts, a few regular shirts, a bunch of pajamas, lots and lots of socks, and just one pair of underwear.

"Well, that's odd..." I thought to myself.

I posted something about it on Facebook and many people suggested that he's going commando. I didn't think that was his usual personal style so I made a mental note to follow up on the odd laundry ratio. Then I noticed a large amount of kid underwear in with the whites in my dirty laundry basket so I assumed that Tonester had pulled them out of Rascal's laundry to bleach. Makes perfect sense. Mystery solved, case closed.

A week later, I did another load of Rascal laundry and found just one pair of underwear. Something isn't adding up.

Later that night I cornered him.

"Hey Rascal, are you changing your underwear every day?"
"Mom, my underwear are fine."
"That wasn't my question. And what do you mean that your underwear 'are fine'??"
"Mom, it's like this. It's okay. Honest."
"Wearing dirty underwear is never okay."
"They aren't dirty!"
"It's not okay to wear the same pair of underwear for days and days. That's dirty and gross."
"They are not dirty and gross! I only fart in them!"

Like that clarification helped prove his case...

Losing My Marbles

I used to say "Ask, Tell, Make" was my parenting style. First I'm going to Ask you to pick up your shoes, then I'm going to Tell you to pick up your shoes. God help you if I get to Make and I force you to pick up your shoes. It seems now that I have replaced Tell, and head straight for Yell.

How many times can you remind your child to do XYZ and discover it STILL isn't done without losing your cool? How many times can you ask your child to do XYZ and not get a response before flipping out? How many times can you tell your kids FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH! and watch them jump day.after.day. without having your head come spinning off?

Yell first, ask questions later. It feels like for anyone to listen to me, I have to yell. About everything. About nothing.


It seemed so much easier when the kids were little (okay - 8 and 7 are still little!) and they hadn't yet perfected the art of the blow off, but lately it seems like yelling is the only way to get through to them. Pokemon cards all over the floor? Yell. Left his jacket in the car? Yell. Didn't flush? You guessed it -Yell.

Pick my battles? Sure. But then you end up with a kid wearing Crocs in the snow at Discovery Kingdom because he didn't listen to you and now his feet are cold and wet and "it's too slippery" and he's making YOU miserable with all the whining BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU TOLD HIM WHAT SHOES TO WEAR. Maybe if I had yelled it?

Or you have a boy who has a meltdown because he hasn't eaten a bite of food since 7:30AM and it's now 3PM, and he's got a full lunchbox that has been ignored. (I'm sure that led to a very productive day at school.) And this goes on every.single.day for a week. And at least 3 days on the other weeks.

Or you have a boy that leaves the passenger door to the car open, all night, because he forgot to grab his backpack out of car when he got home from school and went out later on his own to retrieve it. And now you have a dead car battery from the interior car lights being on all night with the car door open.

They've learned to tune me and my yelling out. It's clearly an ineffective communication tool.

So I've purchased a jar and filled it with marbles. At the beginning of the month I will fill it with marbles. When I feel like their behavior would elicit Crazy Mom yelling at them, out come marbles from the jar. Marbles left in the jar at the end of the month will earn them a reward.

The goal? Don't make mom lose her marbles - and maybe we'll all be happier for it.

Hello? Is this thing on??

Oh, hello. Sorry about that 14 month absence. Did you miss me? I blame Facebook.


There's no way I can catch up on over a year's worth of missing blog posts, but here are some of my Facebook status updates of 2010. And that's just about 1/4 of the posts from 2010. It's been a busy year!

On the school front - yes, our happy little school closed down at the end of the school year. That sucked. We were repeatedly denied enrollment at "the preferred school" in our home town and for a while there I feared I would have to homeschool. That was a terrifying prospect for all involved. But never doubt the power of a very determined mom holding a pen (or in my case, typing emails). I harassed our local school district superintendent of elementary education until she finally said "you win" and granted our transfer. We are now happy "dragons" per our new school mascot.

As wonderful as "the preferred school" is (excellent test scores! right down the street!) the new school is huge. The classes are huge. There are only a handful of parents who pitch in. I work more now at this new school to pick up the slack where other parents flake/don't-care/can't work in class than I did at the old school. 15 minutes for a kid to each lunch?? Ridiculous. Completely changing a class from a 3/4 combo class to a 2/3 combo class 8 weeks into the school year?? Ludicrous. It's been a rough adjustment to put it mildly.

The beginning of the year for Domino included problems with bullies and bathroom passes (being called a "puto" by several boys in class and only allowed to go to the bathroom 3 times a month?! WTF!) and he still struggles to connect with friends, but academically he's strong and enjoying himself. Because of the dreadful combo class set up, he's given lots of "independent reading time", which he loves. He's read through the first 4 Harry Potter books and is currently obsessed with anything and everything Pokemon.

Rascal is in another K/1 combo class - this time as a big 1st grader. Initially when I delayed Rascal's kindergarten year, I knew all the reasons and research of why it was the best thing for him, I accepted that it was the right decision, but I never really fully got it. Knowing, accepting, and understanding are all so different! I see him now working independently in 1st grade and he is working confidently at his grade level. He's not struggling. He's not bored. I also work in Domino's 2/3 combo class with the 2nd graders, the kids who would be Rascal's academic peers had I placed him in kindergarten based on birth year alone. I GET IT NOW. The academic expectations, the behavior expectations, the social expectations and variances between 1st and 2nd grade - he would be struggling, miserable and lacking all confidence and self esteem. It was very easy for me to expound the virtues of delaying kindergarten before -- but holy moly let me get on my soapbox and grab a megaphone and shout it to the world! I'm so very glad I listened to Mz. Lori's advice.

Gee, what else has happened since October 2009?!

The boy's half sister "Mallory" has been allowed in our lives. It's been rough all around. She's 16 and comes with her 16 year old issues and 16 year old drama. Once upon a time I fought so stupidly and foolishly with my mom that I stopped speaking to her when I was 15 and didn't regain a relationship with her until my dad passed away about 7 years later. I pierced my own ears, multiple times, dyed the ends of my hair black like the singer from Berlin, and shaved the side of my head like Cyndi Lauper. I thought I knew everything. The irony that I am now a step mom to a teenage girl who constantly fights with her mom over foolish things, who has recently dyed her hair black and pierced her lip, is not lost on me. She is a beautiful troubled young lady and I hope whatever time we're allowed in her life we can be a positive influence and help her find a path for her life that won't be as difficult as the ones she's been choosing lately. She's not making it easy for herself - or for us - and I hope Tonester doesn't give up trying. They've hit a rocky spot and neither are willing to budge. I can clearly see where she gets it from...

Speaking of the Tonester - he is still working wacky hours. After a few years being spoiled with his 4am-1pm shift, he's back on the 1-11pm shift - dreadful hours for little boys who are in school during the day and want to see their daddy at night, but paychecks are hard to come by in this recession and we're happy he has a job. He recently took up running with a neighborhood friend. It's been sorta funny watching him hobble around the house the past few days as his body adjusts to the new regimen. 41 is tough. I'm proud of him for getting off his butt and doing something. Now if I could just follow his example...

I'm struggling to make connections with moms at the new school (most do a drive way drop off) so this year has been a bit isolating and frustrating personally. I had always envisioned a clean house and lots of free time on my hands when both boys finally (finally!) went to the same school with the same hours, just minutes from our home, but that certainly isn't the case. Thankfully, I'm still working part time virtually and that keeps my brain going and a little money flowing. It's a great gig (or 2 in my case!) and I'm really lucky to have the jobs with such supportive bosses. It's been a very rough year for us financially and my 2 little jobs keep the lights on and the dog fed. Can't ask for much more.

"And that's the news from Lake Wobegon..."

The Beginning of the End

We've been very busy with the new school year.

Domino's teacher is the PERFECT teacher for him. She's kind, warm, fuzzy, creative, musical, and well versed in children with sensory issues. She listens, she responds, she seeks my advice, she makes me feel like we're part of a team. I couldn't ask for a better teaching environment for him (other than the removal of a few specific students from the classroom, but hey, it's a public school...). His teacher took the class on a field trip to her house to study the Napa Valley. She has 13 acres of grapes and the kids worked on their map making skills, studied the horticulture of the grapevine and the science of making grape jelly! She thinks outside the traditional teaching methods and finds unique ways to get information through. She's the teacher all the parents hope their child gets. Former students run to give her hugs. She makes a difference.

Rascal is flourishing in kindergarten. His teacher this year is Domino's first grade teacher from last year. There's a comfort that is there based on familiarity but the class is different - a combo K/1 class. It's a hard class to manage and I can see the teacher has her work cut out for her. There's a wide range of abilities, based on temperaments and the ages of the kids. There's some first graders who are turning 7 and some kindergartners who are still 4 and can't figure out how to use a pair of scissors. Rascal is bright, confident, articulate and very eager to please. Each day Rascal likes to give me the "apple report" (a chart of apples that indicate each child's behavior for the day), the recess update (who played with who), and then he tattles about someone "not respecting boundaries". He is very proud that his apple has never been changed and I worry that when he does make a mistake and gets reprimanded, he's going to lose his marbles completely.

But I tend to worry about things before they happen...

We learned last week that their school as we know it will be shut down at the end of the school year. Some crap about it being marketed as a magnet school, but no guarantee that it will have any federal funding to really make it one. The school district has decided that the schools need to reflect the racial diversity of the county and has announced their plans to rezone, realign, reboundary and whatever else they feel like to make the schools "diverse" - including merging our "alternative program" with the "traditional program" housed on our campus.

For us, merging our schools is a horrible prospect. I drive 20 miles each way to attend this unique school, work my required volunteer shifts at the school (2-3 shifts a month per child, libary parent twice a week, Marvelous Mondays assistant on Monday afternoons, information team leader, create school rosters and handbooks, liaison between teachers and parents... and the list goes on and on...) and other parents in the alternative program are like minded and working in areas to benefit all our children. We're all involved in our childrens' education and their happiness and test scores reflect that. Our scores will be watered down by the traditional program stats and instead of a distinguished eduction, my boys will receive a regular run of the mill public school one. Those who attend our alternative program are being called racists because we don't want to mix our 85% "non-minority" school with the 90% "minority" english language learner school. Forgive me for not wanting my kids to be flushed down the public school system drain.

Most parents are all still working in the school, waiting for its official demise. Some are leaving now, some are riding it out - and some are willing to continue on next year with the mixed non-alternative program school. There's endless playground chatter among the adults "What are you doing next year?" "Will you be back?" "Did you hear so and so is leaving??" and the kids are already picking up on it. "What's going on Mom?" the boys have already asked. "Oh, some changes are going to be made to your school next year". "What changes?" "I don't really know all of the details yet, but will let you know when I do."

I fear the transition from alternative teaching methods to traditional ones filled with ditto sheets and desks. I wonder how the boys will adjust. I worry about the loss of my boys tight knit group of friends and small school environment - moving to a school more than 5 times the size we're used to. I mourn the sudden end of my parent involvement in their classroom and their school. And all of that perseveration is based on a "best case scenario" that I can get the boys into my preferred school in our town. It's not a bad school, it's just not the type of teaching program I dreamed the boys would attend. And if I don't get them into that school, and they are forced to go to our designated "neighborhood school" instead, we're seriously considering the homeschool option. God help us all.

The change is many months away, and my boys are more resilient than I give them credit for, but I recognize that I have to be very careful. I know they will take their cues from the way that I handle the process. I don't do change very well...