Hard To Admit

I haven’t written much about Rascal lately. There’s a reason for that.

Rascal and I are in the middle of some serious power struggles. I am told that it is completely normal for his age but I have to be brutally honest and say that I’m really not enjoying my time with him these days.

I can’t quite explain what is going on with him and me, but I know that it is primarily a “him and me” thing. He doesn’t act this way around Tonester (well, not to the same degree) and he certainly doesn’t act this way around school and friends. It’s saved for the moments we are together.

Example: This morning for breakfast I made him some mini-pancakes and gave him half a banana. He said “I’m not eating any banana Mom”. I picked my battle and said “Fine, don’t eat the banana” – to which he responded by defiantly picking up the banana and taking the biggest bite he could, gagging banana up. Then he screamed loud enough for the neighbors to hear, just how much he hates pancakes. Why?!

Example 2: He’s been super picky eating lately so I asked him what he wanted for lunch. He couldn’t decide so I gave him some options. He responded he wanted peanut butter on a spoon (will no longer eat sandwiches) and “the same stuff Domino had in his lunch bag”. So, I did exactly as I was asked. It was met with screams, foot stomping, tears, fist pounding and even the throwing of a hat. Why?!! At that point, I was so frustrated with the events of the day with him I said “are you f***ing kidding me?” and I promptly put myself on a time out in my room.

I want Rascal to be excited to see me when he comes home after an afternoon out with Tonester, the way that I’m excited to see him again. I don’t want to be greeted with tattletales of what happened while they were out and the temper tantrum he’s been holding inside. I want a chance to be the good cop and be greeted with bear hugs and cheers – not hear the garage door slam open and the wailing “Mooooooooooommmmmmmm” echoing down the hall. I don't want to hear from Tonester "I don't know why he's doing that with you, he was fine with me all afternoon." I don't want to have to take Rascal out of a restaurant in the middle of grandpa's birthday dinner because he's melting down about the quesadillas he specifically asked me to bring, but I've "ruined everything" because they are not quesadillas from the Mexican restaurant down the street (like I was going to make a separate restaurant run for quesadillas?!).

"He's just 4" I keep telling myself as I wander around the parking lot of Black Angus while everyone else is inside eating. "He's just 4" I say as we sit on the curb on the way down the street to the store because he refuses to walk ONE BLOCK to the store because it's a) too sunny, b) too cloudy, c) his socks are hurting him or d) the sidewalk is too hard and he insists he needs to cut across everyone's lawn and I insist that's not going to happen.

I want to enjoy Rascal more. I want to look forward to our last year together before kindergarten and savor it, not silently regret the decision to delay kindergarten a year and wish that he was out of the house and out of my hair. It seems like he's much happier when I'm not around anyway...

I know when I look at my beautiful baby boy we both feel that we love each other no matter what. But lately I don’t think we like each other very much.

And that sucks. I don't know what to do about it.

Follow up...

Continuing the theme from the post from yesterday...

I decided to make the boys a new "mixed CD" this morning because I am so terribly sick of the ones we currently listen to in the car. Keep in mind, I drive 30 minutes each way to kindergarten so that's about 2 hours of kid stuff each day I have the "pleasure" of listening to. It gets old REALLY QUICK.

I got on Amazon to download some cheap kids MP3s and you can imagine my reaction when I saw this:


Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Nine Inch Nails

Remember that 20 year old girl from the last post who was having a mental breakdown in the corner? I think this CD put her in the asylum.

Not only do they make Nine Inch Nails lullabies, but it's apparently a whole new market of lullabies. They make lullaby albums with songs from The Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin, The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins, Metallica, Nirvana, U2, Tool, Green Day, Cold Play and Bjork just to name a few.

I haven't decided if this is the most brilliant product or one of the most frightening. Obviously, I am not the only parent out there who misses the music of a different time in their life and someone has found a rather interesting way to incorporate that music into the new chapter of their life.

But I find the thought of someone humming along to "Closer" while cuddling their new little baby really creepy.

Music Education

Once upon a time I was hip. I managed a music store for many years and followed that up with a stint working for a record label. I owned thousands of CDs. I went to concerts more nights of the week than not. Every jacket I owned had a pair of ear plugs in the pocket "just in case".

Those days are long gone. My musical accompaniment these days is solely kids music and kids movie soundtracks. If by chance I've got a few moments sans kiddos, I sneak in a few minutes of talk radio so I can at least feel like I'm having an adult conversation.

Last week, Tonester bought a CD that he'd heard great things about. The kids were both at school (!) so we popped their "kids music" out of the car CD player and put in his new disc. The song started and I somehow knew it! How was that possible? I haven't had the luxury of listening to adult music in years. And yet - there was I singing along feeling rather proud of myself. "Must be used in a commercial for a TV show or something..." we laughed.

A few days later I was at home with the boys, listening to Sirius Kid Stuff, and what comes on?? A Kidz Bob version of the song from Tonester's new CD. I have been hearing it for months!

I have now sunken to the new low that I am getting my musical knowledge from Kidz Bop. My 20 year old self is curled up in the corner in the fetal position wearing her Docs and her leather jacket, rocking back and forth, saying "I love Nine Inch Nails, I love Nine Inch Nails".

My Own Pet Shop Boys

That's Jam Master J-Rascal rockin' the mike and sunglasses and Snoopy Doggy Domino working the 80's keyboard during an impromptu jam session last night. Forgive the terrible cellphone video sound quality... and I have no idea what he's saying either if you're curious...

Dog Allergies

If you’ve stumbled on my blog looking for ideas or advice about how to deal with your allergy to your beloved family pet – you’re in the wrong place. If you’re looking to hear someone’s story about a dog with allergies? I’m your girl.

My dog has severe allergies. What is she allergic to? Everything. Dust, pollen, grass, dander, chicken, beef, pork, corn, wheat, dairy, egg, peanut butter, rubber, fleas and I think just air in general to name a few. She suffers from seasonal flank alopecia, persistent ear infections, red droopy goopy eyes, a chin that abscesses when it’s had too much contact with grass or pollen, the area between the pads of her feet get inflamed – and all of this is compounded by her hypo immune system.

What to do? Allergy shots of steroids? She’s allergic to too many things to make the shots effective. Benadryl? Works for some dogs but apparently not mine because her system is so out of whack. We’ve completely altered her diet over the last 12 months removing her favorite rawhide chews and per our vet’s advice we give her a restricted diet of duck and potato (only!) food. We give her frequent baths with hypoallergenic shampoo and flush her ears almost weekly. She has been doing so well and her bald spots from last year filled in nicely with a beautiful coat of winter fur…

Right now my poor dog is in hell. Allergy season is in full flame on the trees in our backyard. My beautiful Mulberry tree which provides me with such amazing shade and privacy is literally raining yellow dust and pollen. I’ve vacuumed up enough tumble weeds of her lost fur to make a winter coat for several other smaller dogs. And that’s just from today’s vacuuming. Tomorrow will produce the same.

We had excellent success last summer with a doggie drug called Atopica – but at $300 a month we had to stop. If anyone in this house should be sporting a $300 drug habit it should be me! Kidding of course. We have no pet insurance (get it if you can!) and if our kids didn’t love the dog so so so very much (and maybe me too) I would have sent her along to the folks at Lab Rescue long ago.

But alas, we do love her and she really is a part of our family. So for the next few weeks (maybe months?) I’ll be up to my armpits in dog baths and homeopathic approaches to curing her dog allergies. The things we do for unconditional love….

Torch Run

I'm a "pomp and circumstance" fan - major award ceremonies, celebrity weddings and funerals, Thanksgiving Day parades, Presidential inaugurations and the like. Without out fail, I will cry at the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Look at all the proud athletes! How hard they've worked! The dedication! The life dream! Their love of their home countries!

I have nothing political to say about the Olympics and Beijing and I'm certainly not the girl to dole out political opinions on the matter (especially since I had to spell check Beijing and I was wrong). I'll keep my opinions on a completely superficial "US Weekly" level as it's more my style.

Today the Olympic Torch "Run" is happening in San Francisco. From the 2 minutes of news coverage the kids let me listen to in the car after school pick up, and the 5 minutes I was able to catch on tv when we got home before they insisted they wanted to watch "a kid show", I can see that the torch run is no longer a run - it's really a walk surrounded by bedlam. Police everywhere, riot gear, barricades, news helicopters, protesters and supporters. It's very different from the torch run I witnessed in 1984.

Did I really see the torch run? I think I did. Even if for the briefest of brief moments. I mainly remember the mad scramble from the backseat of the family car through all the side and back streets of Larkspur and Corte Madera trying to catch up with the torch after we missed the first glimpse outside our front door. There are no barricades or motorcades in my memory - just walls of excited people and much cheering. Maybe a police car or two - but no guns filled with tear gas and I'd be surprised if anyone was arrested for anything other than pot possession.

As I said, we missed our first chance to see the torch and had to chase it through 2 cities. I was probably being difficult and my mom/dad was probably trying to give me a memory to last a lifetime (It's so fuzzy I can't recall who took me... sorry mom if it was you!) and I remember the whole experience as harried. But eventually, we made our way up to Magnolia Avenue in Corte Madera, and at the foot of the Corte Madera grade we were able to catch a glimpse just as the torch went by. A wave of emotion rushed over me. Even though I did not grasp the scope of what I just witnessed, I knew it was cool. And I knew that I should try to hold on to the memory for a lifetime.

Will the people in SF today, surrounded by chaos, have that same feeling?

(SF torch run photo found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/smi23le/2401213133/)