This Was Not The Results I Was Expecting

Not too long ago, I gave Rascal one of those purple plaque tablets.  You know the ones - you chew on them and they turn the plaque in your mouth purple so you know where your tooth brushing needs improvement.  After a few moments of chewing there was the big spit and reveal.  Rascal's mouth was PURPLE.  With globs of purple saliva hanging out, leaning over the sink drooling purple drool, his teeth clenched together and his lips pulled back in a strained smile Rascal simply stated (as clearly as anyone can with a mouth full of purple spit) "This.IsNot.TheResults.IWasExpecting."  I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard.

Also not the results I was expecting?  Our homemade Valentines.  They looked great but were a huge mistake.  Here's why...

One of the things that I hate about our new school is the total lack of communication tools shared with parents. I am used to schools with class rosters with phone numbers and emails, and for whatever reason, our new school feels it's a violation of people's privacy to distribute any information about families.  It's ridiculous.  There are a couple of kids in both Domino and Rascal's classes that they'd like to have playdates with - but those kids are "daycare" kids.  The parents barely stop their cars in the loading zone outside the school in the morning for drop off, and the kids are shuffled to the Boys & Girls Club after school until the parents come get them after work.  It makes it impossible to communicate with anyone that you'd like to have a playdate with their kid.

I thought I had outsmarted the system.  I had the boys put our phone number on the Valentines we made.  The kids would bring them home, the parents would see them and think "Hey, what a cool Valentine!  Would you like to have a playdate with that boy? You would?  Great!  Let's call him right now!"  Except that's not how it went down...

A couple of days after Valentines, the phone rang with a young voice asking for Domino.  "Success!" I thought to myself, giving myself a pat on the back for my brilliance.  Finally, there's a glimmer of hope to make friends outside of school.  We've waited for so long.  Why didn't we give out our number sooner?!

I asked for the boy's name, and he said Sammy.  I passed the phone over to Domino but was very confused.  There's no Sammy in his class.  Who is this kid on the phone for my son?

Domino talked to him for a bit and I grew more and more concerned. The conversation was pleasant enough - but I quickly realized that Domino had NO IDEA who the kid was on the other end of the phone.  This was NOT going the way I planned.  At that point I shut down "operation make a new friend".  What the heck just happened??

I interrogated Domino.  Who is this kid?  How did he get our number??  Who did you give your Valentines to???  All of Domino's answers were to be expected "I don't know.  I have no idea.  Just to the kids in my class."

And then the phone started ringing.  I answered and got no response so I hung up.  A few minutes later, same thing.  Over the course of the next 2 hours I fielded about 20 similar phone calls.  I even looked into getting Caller ID just so I could call this little sh*t back and tell his parents off.  Who in the world lets their kid use the phone unsupervised?!

Cut to the next day, repeat.
And again the following day.
And again the day after that.

After a bit of detective work, I figured out who the boy was and spoke to the school guidance counselor about the problem.  Thankfully, we've had phone silence ever since.

Tonester is furious with me and thinks it was the stupidest idea in the world to give out our number to everyone.  I'm flabbergasted that this has exploded so negatively.  How could such a simple thing of trying to make friends with classmates go so horribly wrong??

I still have no clue how this boy got our phone number.  My guess is he goes to the Boys & Girls Club with others in Domino's class and when kids were going through their Valentine loot, he probably swiped the Valentine and the rest is history.  It is a pretty cool looking Valentine....

I feel like I'm standing in front of the mirror with a mouth full of purple spit.  This.IsNot.TheResults.IWasExpecting.

Hello? Is this thing on??

Oh, hello. Sorry about that 14 month absence. Did you miss me? I blame Facebook.


There's no way I can catch up on over a year's worth of missing blog posts, but here are some of my Facebook status updates of 2010. And that's just about 1/4 of the posts from 2010. It's been a busy year!

On the school front - yes, our happy little school closed down at the end of the school year. That sucked. We were repeatedly denied enrollment at "the preferred school" in our home town and for a while there I feared I would have to homeschool. That was a terrifying prospect for all involved. But never doubt the power of a very determined mom holding a pen (or in my case, typing emails). I harassed our local school district superintendent of elementary education until she finally said "you win" and granted our transfer. We are now happy "dragons" per our new school mascot.

As wonderful as "the preferred school" is (excellent test scores! right down the street!) the new school is huge. The classes are huge. There are only a handful of parents who pitch in. I work more now at this new school to pick up the slack where other parents flake/don't-care/can't work in class than I did at the old school. 15 minutes for a kid to each lunch?? Ridiculous. Completely changing a class from a 3/4 combo class to a 2/3 combo class 8 weeks into the school year?? Ludicrous. It's been a rough adjustment to put it mildly.

The beginning of the year for Domino included problems with bullies and bathroom passes (being called a "puto" by several boys in class and only allowed to go to the bathroom 3 times a month?! WTF!) and he still struggles to connect with friends, but academically he's strong and enjoying himself. Because of the dreadful combo class set up, he's given lots of "independent reading time", which he loves. He's read through the first 4 Harry Potter books and is currently obsessed with anything and everything Pokemon.

Rascal is in another K/1 combo class - this time as a big 1st grader. Initially when I delayed Rascal's kindergarten year, I knew all the reasons and research of why it was the best thing for him, I accepted that it was the right decision, but I never really fully got it. Knowing, accepting, and understanding are all so different! I see him now working independently in 1st grade and he is working confidently at his grade level. He's not struggling. He's not bored. I also work in Domino's 2/3 combo class with the 2nd graders, the kids who would be Rascal's academic peers had I placed him in kindergarten based on birth year alone. I GET IT NOW. The academic expectations, the behavior expectations, the social expectations and variances between 1st and 2nd grade - he would be struggling, miserable and lacking all confidence and self esteem. It was very easy for me to expound the virtues of delaying kindergarten before -- but holy moly let me get on my soapbox and grab a megaphone and shout it to the world! I'm so very glad I listened to Mz. Lori's advice.

Gee, what else has happened since October 2009?!

The boy's half sister "Mallory" has been allowed in our lives. It's been rough all around. She's 16 and comes with her 16 year old issues and 16 year old drama. Once upon a time I fought so stupidly and foolishly with my mom that I stopped speaking to her when I was 15 and didn't regain a relationship with her until my dad passed away about 7 years later. I pierced my own ears, multiple times, dyed the ends of my hair black like the singer from Berlin, and shaved the side of my head like Cyndi Lauper. I thought I knew everything. The irony that I am now a step mom to a teenage girl who constantly fights with her mom over foolish things, who has recently dyed her hair black and pierced her lip, is not lost on me. She is a beautiful troubled young lady and I hope whatever time we're allowed in her life we can be a positive influence and help her find a path for her life that won't be as difficult as the ones she's been choosing lately. She's not making it easy for herself - or for us - and I hope Tonester doesn't give up trying. They've hit a rocky spot and neither are willing to budge. I can clearly see where she gets it from...

Speaking of the Tonester - he is still working wacky hours. After a few years being spoiled with his 4am-1pm shift, he's back on the 1-11pm shift - dreadful hours for little boys who are in school during the day and want to see their daddy at night, but paychecks are hard to come by in this recession and we're happy he has a job. He recently took up running with a neighborhood friend. It's been sorta funny watching him hobble around the house the past few days as his body adjusts to the new regimen. 41 is tough. I'm proud of him for getting off his butt and doing something. Now if I could just follow his example...

I'm struggling to make connections with moms at the new school (most do a drive way drop off) so this year has been a bit isolating and frustrating personally. I had always envisioned a clean house and lots of free time on my hands when both boys finally (finally!) went to the same school with the same hours, just minutes from our home, but that certainly isn't the case. Thankfully, I'm still working part time virtually and that keeps my brain going and a little money flowing. It's a great gig (or 2 in my case!) and I'm really lucky to have the jobs with such supportive bosses. It's been a very rough year for us financially and my 2 little jobs keep the lights on and the dog fed. Can't ask for much more.

"And that's the news from Lake Wobegon..."

The Beginning of the End

We've been very busy with the new school year.

Domino's teacher is the PERFECT teacher for him. She's kind, warm, fuzzy, creative, musical, and well versed in children with sensory issues. She listens, she responds, she seeks my advice, she makes me feel like we're part of a team. I couldn't ask for a better teaching environment for him (other than the removal of a few specific students from the classroom, but hey, it's a public school...). His teacher took the class on a field trip to her house to study the Napa Valley. She has 13 acres of grapes and the kids worked on their map making skills, studied the horticulture of the grapevine and the science of making grape jelly! She thinks outside the traditional teaching methods and finds unique ways to get information through. She's the teacher all the parents hope their child gets. Former students run to give her hugs. She makes a difference.

Rascal is flourishing in kindergarten. His teacher this year is Domino's first grade teacher from last year. There's a comfort that is there based on familiarity but the class is different - a combo K/1 class. It's a hard class to manage and I can see the teacher has her work cut out for her. There's a wide range of abilities, based on temperaments and the ages of the kids. There's some first graders who are turning 7 and some kindergartners who are still 4 and can't figure out how to use a pair of scissors. Rascal is bright, confident, articulate and very eager to please. Each day Rascal likes to give me the "apple report" (a chart of apples that indicate each child's behavior for the day), the recess update (who played with who), and then he tattles about someone "not respecting boundaries". He is very proud that his apple has never been changed and I worry that when he does make a mistake and gets reprimanded, he's going to lose his marbles completely.

But I tend to worry about things before they happen...

We learned last week that their school as we know it will be shut down at the end of the school year. Some crap about it being marketed as a magnet school, but no guarantee that it will have any federal funding to really make it one. The school district has decided that the schools need to reflect the racial diversity of the county and has announced their plans to rezone, realign, reboundary and whatever else they feel like to make the schools "diverse" - including merging our "alternative program" with the "traditional program" housed on our campus.

For us, merging our schools is a horrible prospect. I drive 20 miles each way to attend this unique school, work my required volunteer shifts at the school (2-3 shifts a month per child, libary parent twice a week, Marvelous Mondays assistant on Monday afternoons, information team leader, create school rosters and handbooks, liaison between teachers and parents... and the list goes on and on...) and other parents in the alternative program are like minded and working in areas to benefit all our children. We're all involved in our childrens' education and their happiness and test scores reflect that. Our scores will be watered down by the traditional program stats and instead of a distinguished eduction, my boys will receive a regular run of the mill public school one. Those who attend our alternative program are being called racists because we don't want to mix our 85% "non-minority" school with the 90% "minority" english language learner school. Forgive me for not wanting my kids to be flushed down the public school system drain.

Most parents are all still working in the school, waiting for its official demise. Some are leaving now, some are riding it out - and some are willing to continue on next year with the mixed non-alternative program school. There's endless playground chatter among the adults "What are you doing next year?" "Will you be back?" "Did you hear so and so is leaving??" and the kids are already picking up on it. "What's going on Mom?" the boys have already asked. "Oh, some changes are going to be made to your school next year". "What changes?" "I don't really know all of the details yet, but will let you know when I do."

I fear the transition from alternative teaching methods to traditional ones filled with ditto sheets and desks. I wonder how the boys will adjust. I worry about the loss of my boys tight knit group of friends and small school environment - moving to a school more than 5 times the size we're used to. I mourn the sudden end of my parent involvement in their classroom and their school. And all of that perseveration is based on a "best case scenario" that I can get the boys into my preferred school in our town. It's not a bad school, it's just not the type of teaching program I dreamed the boys would attend. And if I don't get them into that school, and they are forced to go to our designated "neighborhood school" instead, we're seriously considering the homeschool option. God help us all.

The change is many months away, and my boys are more resilient than I give them credit for, but I recognize that I have to be very careful. I know they will take their cues from the way that I handle the process. I don't do change very well...