Who does delaying kindergarten hurt?

I don't deal with confrontation well. I'm the unsatisfied customer who mutters stuff under their breath and vows to never shop in certain places again, rather than create a scene and deal with the manager. This is pretty funny considering I worked as a retail manager for far too many years and had to diffuse many unpleasant people and I do know how to get what I want. I'm bitchy and catty and have a temper - but for the most part I only unleash on the ones I love.

Today, I found myself having to defend the choice I made to delay Rascal's entry into kindergarten with a stranger - and I wasn't prepared for the backlash.

Last year, when we didn't get Rascal into the preschool class of my choice (a morning class with his age group that would correspond with Domino's morning kindergarten class) Mz Lori suggested we consider having Rascal repeat his first year of preschool. She kindly calls this process "giving them the gift of a year". This was a great idea for Rascal for many reasons.

- Rascal has a fall birthday and would be on the immature end of the spectrum of kids. Many other states have a kindergarten eligibility birth date prior to the start of the school year - not the case in California which squeaks kids in with birthdays up until the beginning of December.

- Rascal is always the "little guy" at home - the follower. Allowing him to be one of the older kids in his classroom gives him the chance to become a leader, the big kid, which he will never be able to do at home. Could set him up with a totally different confidence level for the rest of his life.

- Domino and Rascal's birthdays are just a few days shy of 18 months apart. They have been together at all times since Rascal's birth. Having Rascal delay school a little longer helps him develop a circle of friends not associated with his brother's friends and help him gain his own identity. This will also help me accept he has his own identity, because they are together so often, have the same friends, enjoy the same stuff - it's hard to honor or encourage or engage their own defining features.

- Rascal is different than Domino in learning style. Domino was reading on his own at age 3, Rascal at age 4 1/2 refuses to cooperate when approached about reading. Giving him another year in preschool gives him another year to master needed skills instead of force him to flounder on skills he's not ready to tackle.

- Emotionally, he's not ready. Having seen the social expectations, conflict resolution skills and physical independence needed by Domino this year in kindergarten - I believe Rascal is in no way ready for kindergarten this fall. The epic meltdown that he had at preschool yesterday (and the one last week) are proof enough that he just can't hold his crap together under the best of circumstances.

That all sounds fine and dandy. You might even be shaking your head in agreement, especially if you know Rascal. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make and a small (teeny tiny) part of my heart often questions it. Am I denying him something? Will he be angry at me his senior year when he's 18 and still in high school? Will he think I thought he was too dumb to go to kindergarten and hold it against me?? I just know, that knowing what I know today, he's not ready.

Back to the conflict. I was waiting outside Domino's class at pick up and I was approached with casual conversation from another mom. We are very different, born on opposite sides of the world, and have different ways of speaking to(wards) people. (That is my attempt at a politically correct, sugar coated way of describing this woman - again, fear of conflict...). Rascal was awake, which is unusual because he usually falls asleep on the car ride over, and she asked him how old he is.

"4 1/2" he said.
"Oh - so he'll be coming here for kindergarten in the fall?"
And I said my now standard "No, we've decided to delay kindergarten a year. He's just not ready yet."

Now, with everyone else I've spoken to - even those that don't agree with our choice - nobody has ever ARGUED with me about it. People have questioned in ways that made me understand my choice is not the choice they would have made, and that's fine. Today, I was assaulted with reasons why it was wrong - how it hurts THE OTHER KIDS IN THE CLASS, how it puts them at a disadvantage in academics and in sports because they are now competing with someone "so much older", how it skews test scores of the socio economically challenged kids who are forced to enter kindergarten on schedule because of the cost of childcare. She probably had a dozen or so reasons but honestly, the world was spinning, my heart was pounding and I couldn't breathe and I might have lost consciousness - or at least was looking for a very large hole to stick my head in.

I spouted off the litany of reasons why Rascal is not academically, socially or emotionally ready for kindergarten - to which she kept abruptly saying, and I quote, "No. He's fine. He needs to go to kindergarten. You are wrong to hold him back." I was literally saved by the bell when the class came pouring through the door and we were greeted by our kids and I scurried off without a glance.

I'm not looking for affirmations here that we made the right choice with Rascal. I know we made the right choice. I know that kid better than anyone in this world. He would NOT thrive in kindergarten next year. He WILL thrive in preschool.

What I don't know is why I didn't shout back at the woman "WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT HOW IT AFFECTS ANYONE IN THE CLASS BUT MY SON?!" If anyone is hurt by holding him back it's my bank account - more money in preschool tuition and less availability for work. Not entirely a win-win situation but still the right choice.

Quote of the Day

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Come here quick!!"

(me running through the house in a panic...)

"Mom! Check it out! Check out how clean the bathtub is!"

And I thought my efforts go unnoticed.

Mother of the Year

Today is a school holiday. I kept the boys up late last night hoping they would get to see Tonester before bed last night, but he got delayed at work so we had a late night for naught. I fell asleep on the couch and wound up with a "couch headache" (a headache I always seem to experience the morning after falling asleep on the couch - anyone else get those??) and had to down some Motrin at 3AM. When that didn't do the trick, I took 2 Tylenol PM at 4:30AM with hopes I would sleep off the headache and wake up feeling refreshed and the kids would sleep in for the holiday.

Not to self. Never take Tylenol PM unless I have a full 8 hours of sleep time left.

Domino woke up at 6:15 this morning. A full half hour earlier than when I have to beg, plead, bribe and threaten him to get up on a normal school day. Tonester was heading out the door for work and sent Domino back to bed. Where he stayed for about 7 minutes.

He came back to my coma bed and wanted to snuggle with me. Here's the thing - I absolutely HATE snuggling with my kids in my bed. I just want to sleep! I don't want anyone talking to me or at me, patting my back, reciting NASCAR factoids, or rolling back and forth excessively while I'm trying to sleep. I certainly don't want the TV on with cartoons, or worse - the Speed channel. After the third warning I left Domino alone in my bed and crawled into his.

In the process of stomping down the hallway to a new sleep sanctuary I woke up Rascal. The same kid who screams at me every morning that he "just wants to sleep forever!!" was now awake and ready to start his day. At 6:46 AM.

I put the TV on for them in the living room, threw a box of graham crackers and a couple of Danimals at them and said "do not come and get me unless someone is bleeding heavily" and I went back to bed. For 2 full hours. I could have slept more but I managed to drag my groggy butt out of bed and make a pot of coffee.

Now, you'd think I'd be ready to start my day at that point, right? Oh no. Very wrong. I did what I swore I wouldn't do...

... I succumbed and hooked up the Playstation. They get to play it once a month and they weren't due until tomorrow. But I let them play anyway. That was about 7 hours ago - and they're still playing! And I just recently showered and got out of my pjs.

Mother of the Year!

Little Things

Dear God,

Thank you for trees, but more specifically this tree in my backyard. It provides a blanket of cool air on a 95 degree day and something fun to round around when the boys chase me with baseball bats. I love this tree. I will stay here all afternoon if they let me. You done good.


Love,
Zoe

Feeling Hot (Hot Hot)

Duuuuuuuuude. It's hot. Really hot. Thermometer outside says it's 104. I think it's underestimating the power of global warming.

Example:

This was a good idea gone horribly wrong. I picked up a box of Popsicles before picking up Rascal and his buddy from school today. I tucked them into an ice chest (well, minus really cold ice, just kinda tucked among other refrigerated items - I know, DUH) and set off to kill a little bit of time before picking Domino up from school and heading home. We now have lemonade soup.




These however were 2 of the best ideas I've had. No, not talking about the kids... the water slide and the Flip video (thanks for the recommendation Mom - enjoy the video!).

I am not a hot weather fan by any stretch of the imagination. I require air conditioning if the temperature outside is above 76 degrees. But somehow today, I feel refreshed. For 2 hours this afternoon, my guys got along better than they have in months. I still need an extra shower from the excessive perspiration (it ain't easy setting up that slide in 104 degrees!) but it was an enjoyable time for all. They're so tuckered out they are sitting on the couch like zombies not arguing about who gets to choose a quick show or who gets to use the remote. And I get to surf the net in peace. I just need a fruity beverage with an umbrella and I would swear I was in paradise.

They Are My Sunshine

Dad's really get the short end of the stick with Father's Day being in June. They miss out on wonderful things like this:



This week at Domino's school I was treated to a wonderful "Mother's Day Tea" breakfast of blueberry muffins, fresh strawberries, orange juice and coffee (with cream and sugar!), all prepared and served to me by Domino. He held my hand and took me to my seat, pulled the chair out and helped push it back in. He sang songs for me, made me a paper bouquet of flowers, created a plate decorated especially for me, and picked out books he thought I'd like. It was a hilarious and wonderful morning that I will remember always.

And I have to say - teachers are the GREATEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. Who else could get my son to serenade me with such joy?? What might have seemed just like art projects and time fillers in the classroom really created wonderful keepsakes and memories for a lifetime. Thank you Ms. Leach!

Are You Smarter Than A Kindergartener?

Domino is a fact lover. Random bits of trivia are spouted out of his mouth all day long (think the kid in Jerry Maguire and you're getting an idea about Domino).

One of Dom's latest obsessions is NASCAR. He memorizes track information, driver stats, series standings and sponsor information. I guess it's his version of the baseball geeks who memorize all the stats on their favorite players. I gave Domino a couple of special NASCAR issue magazines for his birthday and he'll spend an hour sitting on the toilet studying every little nugget of information. It's really cute and quite odd simultaneously.

His other obsession is the solar system. Not quite sure how that one started but he's a little astronomer at heart. He can spout off bits of trivia about the direction different planets spin, the gravitational pull, the number of moons, distance from the sun, type of gases, temperature and such. At first I thought he was just making stuff up off the top of his head, and then I googled his factoid. Imagine my surprise to find that Neptune is indeed about 2.8 billion miles from the sun. Again, it's really cute and odd simultaneously.

Each week the kids in his class are sent down to the school library and encouraged to pick out a book of their own choice. For a while, Domino was picking out books that we already own, but the past few weeks he has found the solar system section of books and I have been treated to a wonderful series of books about different planets. I don't really remember much about the solar system from my own education so I am learning a lot as we sit together and read.

Last night we sat down to read a book about Jupiter. We got to the section about the moons of Jupiter and I paused when I got to the names. Ganymede, Callisto, Io and Europa don't just flow off the tongue for me. In my moment of silence as I studied the word Ganymede and decided my best guess, Domino announced "It's pronounced GAN-uh-meed". "Thanks Bud" and I kept reading. Got to Callisto and I pronounced it "Kuh-list-OH" and he said "Mom, it's Call-EE-stow". "I knew that..."

I totally didn't.

The teacher has now become the student.