Thankful?

This past weekend was Thanksgiving. With so much to be thankful for, I am still feeling a bit down.

My in-laws love me. They really do. I love them. I really do. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I am so blessed to be welcomed so lovingly into their family. In all of their wackiness, they remind me of “Meet The Robinsons” and they’ve opened their arms and accepted me and all my wackiness. I've grown to appreciate their love for their holiday traditions which includes a first course of "fruit salad" made of canned fruit cocktail, bananas, cool whip and mayonnaise (which I refuse to eat), mashed potatoes with a wallpaper paste like consistency (also made with mayonnaise - it's a sickness), and far more holiday decorations than any single family should own including a cacophony of a dozen or so musical ones that belt out various holiday tunes if you walk nearby. Or sit nearby. Or sneeze nearby. Or breath nearby really - something's always making noise....

That being said, I miss my own family at the holidays.

Many years ago, Thanksgiving seemed so easy and the plans seemed to be set in stone. We went to my aunt and uncle’s house (my dad's brother) for a our traditional Thanksgiving meal with turkey, roasted potatoes, brussel sprouts, stuffing and gravy followed by English trifle and Christmas fruit cake set ablaze. I hear that my dad always bitched and moaned about the holidays and family gatherings, but I can't remember missing one.

After Dad died in 1993, we all sort of got lost. My aunt and uncle still do Thanksgiving, but without the communication hub of my dad, somehow I got dropped off the invite list. I know that I am always welcome to show up on their door but without the invite it seems weird. My dad died just as I was coming into adulthood and I hadn’t really learned who I was, where I fit into the world or how to navigate my role within my family.

Since then, my family has been haphazard about their holiday planning. For the first year or two we continued to go to my aunt and uncle's. My retail job at the time also had me working on Thanksgiving and because of that there were a couple of years that I missed the holiday altogether. During those years I think my family drifted from my aunt and uncle’s plans. My dad was the glue that held us all together and without him we started to float around trying to figure out what our holiday traditions would involve without him and how they would change now that we were all adults, some of us with new families of our own.

Then I met Tony and “cram both families into one day” began. “The Robinsons” always wanted to know just what my family’s plans for the day were - weeks in advance. Realizing what a pain that was, Tony and I made the choice one year to choose between the two. I hadn’t heard anything solid from my family, so we chose “The Robinsons”. And then again the next year. And the next.

I used to call everyone up in my family and ask what their plans were for the day. Usually their plans were “I don’t know”. In contrast, “The Robinsons” have their holiday plans mapped out by summer. As the holiday approaches, I always hope that my family will get their crap together and pull something off. But as Thanksgiving draws closer I give up and resign myself to the foods and traditions of “The Robinsons”, "fruit salad" and the absence of stuffing included.

But here’s the kicker….

Even though my family says they aren’t doing anything, they always get together anyway without me. I’ve prepared myself for this fact over the last couple of years, but it initially caught me off guard. I remember calling my sister once to wish her a happy Thanksgiving and discovered my entire family was there celebrating together. And nobody bothered to mention it to me. I was so angry I cried when I got off the phone. It happened again the next year. I suppose they assume that I will be going to “The Robinsons” for dinner and that’s why they don’t bother to invite me anymore. I'd be more than happy to change my plans given a small heads up or an invite.

I know that my family is not trying to be hurtful. In fact, I would bet they would say they are trying to spare me from having to make a choice. I would also guess they don't want to hurt my feelings about missing their gathering by rubbing in the fact they are getting together without me.

But I still miss them. It seems like we only hang out at my boys’ birthday parties and a very belated Christmas in January (one year, I don’t even think we all got together then because there were Christmas gifts exchanged at Domino’s birthday party in March). I want my kids to know their aunts and uncles and cousins. They are so familiar with all “The Robinsons” family but I have to show them photos of their aunts, uncles and cousins on my side and explain who they are. It makes me sad.

I know that my family is very busy - but I wonder how much different the holidays would be today if my dad was still alive. Would we all make the extra effort to get together? Would it be assumed that I would go to my family's Thanksgiving instead of "The Robinsons"? Would my family see each other more than 3 times a year? Did I mention that we all live within an hour of each other?!

So – what’s the point of this post? I’m not sure. Am I whining? Yes. Am I thankful? Yes. Do I wish things were different? Absolutely.

I told Tony next year we're having Thanksgiving at our house. Invites will go out well in advance. :) If you can't beat 'em, invite 'em.

Happy belated Thanksgiving.

Hell, still waiting for the "and back" part

Where have I been you ask? I’ll tell you. Hell.

And hell has a crashed hard drive. And a boss out of town who keeps dumping more and more work on you when you have no computer. So you are forced to wedge your very adult (and then some) size butt into a preschool sized desk that belongs to your kids. And then you are forced to use a computer from 1999 (that’s right, not even from this millennium) on DIAL UP to access the many emails your boss has sent that all say “need ASAP”. Then you are forced to type documents from efaxes that your boss unknowingly has sent upside down. And you have no printer connected to the prehistoric computer so you have stick your head upside down to read the faxes on a 15 inch monitor smudged with cookie crumbs and greasy fingerprints and write them all out by hand just so you can type them all up. And the space bar key is broken from your oldest child hammering the crap out of it playing the Toy Story 2 video game. So when you type you get (space space space space) a (space space space space) lot (space space space) more (space space space space) spaces (space space) than (space space space) you (space space space space) really (space space space space) want (space space space) so (space space space space) you (space space ) have (space space space space) to backspace between every word.

And then, you get your computer back the following week with a completely wiped hard drive and you have to start a bionic rebuild without any technical skills. After messing around with the inoperable email on your own for a few days, you spend 3 full hours in one sitting with the tech “support” chat folks at Earthlink and are forced to deal with “Maj P” who tells you no less than 15 times that he’s “done all he can do today” and that the “problems you are experiencing are not with Earthlink”. So you scream into the chat window TRANSFER ME TO YOU SUPERVISOR NOW!!!! which s/he does. And the supervisor remotely logs into your computer and within 10 minutes has completely solved the problem. The same problem that 3 hours of tech support with “Maj P” resulted in insistence it was not their problem.

And then there’s still the trouble with Netgear, the folks who have their very own special corner of hell. The folks who CHARGE you for customer service. Oh yes, if your Netgear is out of whack, it’s going to cost you $36.50 for 30 minutes of support. The same painful support you were forced to use when you first installed the Netgear about 3 years ago, and you first experienced “outsourcing” to a foreign land and had to ask the person to repeat every single thing they said. Sometimes twice. So you do the mental math about how long it took you to install the router with their help 3 years ago and you decide that it would be cheaper to hire a local person to come and fix it. But nobody will return your calls about it. Probably heard the word “Netgear” and laughed their butts off on the other end. Then you find someone that is highly recommended, you start talking with them, they keep making you feel more and more desperate, and then they hit you with the whammy. Travel time fees. Yes, because your city is the bastard step child of Napa County, it’s gonna cost an extra $35 just for travel. The same travel you do twice, sometimes 3 times a day, bringing the kids to school and back. You agree because you’re desperate. What single income family needs $100 heading into Christmas, right?!

Then you feel this burning in your shoulders from the stress and the very non-ergonomically correct corner where you are forced to spend many hours plugged into the DSL router tinkering with wireless settings, IP address configurations, downloading and installing patches, chatting with support folks that are anything but supportive. So you buy what looks like a good product – a patch you stick on your neck and shoulders that heats up to relieve the tension. But the manufacturer of this product has a wicked sense of humor and they’ve created a product that is supposed to stick to your body, specifically an area that should be allowed to move somewhat freely, and they’ve made this patch out of a piece of cloth with zero flexibility. So you bend the wrong way and you accidentally pop it off your shoulders with the adhesive taking a layer of flesh with it. Then the adhesive side whips up and attaches firmly into the hair at the base of your neck.

So you think to yourself – what the hell else could go wrong?! And then your 5 year old throws up at your feet.

*Updated 11/19. Domino is feeling much better today. A full day on the couch watching Nascar racing and normally banned shows like Power Rangers and he's up and running with no sign of cooties. I'm keeping a close eye on Rascal just in case it's a 24 hour thing.

Also up and running is my wireless network! The "Wizard" came out today and spent almost 3 hours solving the myriad of problems. I was really relieved to see him struggle with it because I realized it was worth every penny that I was paying him. Unfortunately, I hadn't expected it to take him as long as it did and I didn't have enough cash - even after raiding the kids piggy banks. So, I paid the balance in my old Star Wars crew gear. Sort of a bummer to lose those things, but my sanity is worth much more than a Yoda mug and a Star Wars backpack.

Through The Eyes of Four

Today, I got a wild hair up my backside and decided to do a bunch of yardwork. As if yardwork in and of itself isn't a lot of work, entertaining "Four" while doing yardwork is an entirely different experience.

But today - something happened. I gave Jasper my camera and told him to "go wild!" and let him roam all over the front yard while I raked leaves. I think he's got a natural gift! Following are all photos taken by Rascal... enjoy!

Thanks for the wonderful memory Rascal! Who knew our yard could be so beautiful and interesting?!