The Beginning of the End

We've been very busy with the new school year.

Domino's teacher is the PERFECT teacher for him. She's kind, warm, fuzzy, creative, musical, and well versed in children with sensory issues. She listens, she responds, she seeks my advice, she makes me feel like we're part of a team. I couldn't ask for a better teaching environment for him (other than the removal of a few specific students from the classroom, but hey, it's a public school...). His teacher took the class on a field trip to her house to study the Napa Valley. She has 13 acres of grapes and the kids worked on their map making skills, studied the horticulture of the grapevine and the science of making grape jelly! She thinks outside the traditional teaching methods and finds unique ways to get information through. She's the teacher all the parents hope their child gets. Former students run to give her hugs. She makes a difference.

Rascal is flourishing in kindergarten. His teacher this year is Domino's first grade teacher from last year. There's a comfort that is there based on familiarity but the class is different - a combo K/1 class. It's a hard class to manage and I can see the teacher has her work cut out for her. There's a wide range of abilities, based on temperaments and the ages of the kids. There's some first graders who are turning 7 and some kindergartners who are still 4 and can't figure out how to use a pair of scissors. Rascal is bright, confident, articulate and very eager to please. Each day Rascal likes to give me the "apple report" (a chart of apples that indicate each child's behavior for the day), the recess update (who played with who), and then he tattles about someone "not respecting boundaries". He is very proud that his apple has never been changed and I worry that when he does make a mistake and gets reprimanded, he's going to lose his marbles completely.

But I tend to worry about things before they happen...

We learned last week that their school as we know it will be shut down at the end of the school year. Some crap about it being marketed as a magnet school, but no guarantee that it will have any federal funding to really make it one. The school district has decided that the schools need to reflect the racial diversity of the county and has announced their plans to rezone, realign, reboundary and whatever else they feel like to make the schools "diverse" - including merging our "alternative program" with the "traditional program" housed on our campus.

For us, merging our schools is a horrible prospect. I drive 20 miles each way to attend this unique school, work my required volunteer shifts at the school (2-3 shifts a month per child, libary parent twice a week, Marvelous Mondays assistant on Monday afternoons, information team leader, create school rosters and handbooks, liaison between teachers and parents... and the list goes on and on...) and other parents in the alternative program are like minded and working in areas to benefit all our children. We're all involved in our childrens' education and their happiness and test scores reflect that. Our scores will be watered down by the traditional program stats and instead of a distinguished eduction, my boys will receive a regular run of the mill public school one. Those who attend our alternative program are being called racists because we don't want to mix our 85% "non-minority" school with the 90% "minority" english language learner school. Forgive me for not wanting my kids to be flushed down the public school system drain.

Most parents are all still working in the school, waiting for its official demise. Some are leaving now, some are riding it out - and some are willing to continue on next year with the mixed non-alternative program school. There's endless playground chatter among the adults "What are you doing next year?" "Will you be back?" "Did you hear so and so is leaving??" and the kids are already picking up on it. "What's going on Mom?" the boys have already asked. "Oh, some changes are going to be made to your school next year". "What changes?" "I don't really know all of the details yet, but will let you know when I do."

I fear the transition from alternative teaching methods to traditional ones filled with ditto sheets and desks. I wonder how the boys will adjust. I worry about the loss of my boys tight knit group of friends and small school environment - moving to a school more than 5 times the size we're used to. I mourn the sudden end of my parent involvement in their classroom and their school. And all of that perseveration is based on a "best case scenario" that I can get the boys into my preferred school in our town. It's not a bad school, it's just not the type of teaching program I dreamed the boys would attend. And if I don't get them into that school, and they are forced to go to our designated "neighborhood school" instead, we're seriously considering the homeschool option. God help us all.

The change is many months away, and my boys are more resilient than I give them credit for, but I recognize that I have to be very careful. I know they will take their cues from the way that I handle the process. I don't do change very well...

Rascal's Big Adventure

It seems like just yesterday that Rascal was born. Ok, that's a bold face lie. It doesn't feel like yesterday. Or the day before. Or the day before that...

Rascal, 2 days old

I can hardly remember the days before Rascal was part of our lives. He has something to do with that - the lack of memories - because he's kept me pretty busy the past 5+ years. The better portion of the first 3 years of his life is a complete blur and that's probably a good thing.

He came to us by surprise. My rapid labor and his flying entrance into the world was nothing like I had expected or experienced before. He became known as "brother", and Domino became known as that too. Interchangeable those 2 at times - and others as different as night and day. Just when I thought I had the hang of the parenting thing, Rascal would prove me wrong.

Rascal listened closely that very first morning in the hospital. I layed down the law pretty thick and quick. "You'd better get the hang of the breastfeeding and sleeping quick kiddo. I don't have time for games" I leaned into the hospital bassinet and warned him. He respectfully obliged as well as any infant could. It was still a struggle, 2 babies under a 1 1/2 years old, but we all came through it a stronger, if not completely exhausted, family.

Rascal, Mom & Domino, winter 2005 (age 2)

Rascal has been eagerly talking about going to school with his brother for a few years now, begging and pleading. He's crashed school field trips, dressed up on school spirit weeks, and has been included in all playdates with the big kids like he was part of the group. Rascal has even gone so far (on several occasions) as to bring a back pack with him to Domino's school and then "blending in" with the other kids who are shuffling off in line to class. He's squeaked past the teacher on more than once, disguised in Domino's hat and jacket, and is always sad when I silently grab his hand and walk him out the door to leave. "But I want to go to kindergarten!" he would cry out. "Soon enough." I'd tell him, "You've still got some learning to do at preschool first."

Rascal and Domino, school spirit "sports day", 2009 (age 5)

Rascal will be starting kindergarten next week. We "gave him the gift of time" and kept him another year at preschool. I can see now he's ready to go, can handle the academics and his emotions (for the most part). We've been talking about going to school with brother for months now, and I must confess even using it as a threat at times ("you can't sit like that if you want to go to kindergarten!"), and Rascal has been counting the days down on the calendar.

That is, until T-10 days and counting...

I found him in his room this weekend crying, listening to a CD I had made him for his preschool graduation. He told me he missed his teacher. He missed his school. He missed his friends. He missed his cubby. He didn't want to go to kindergarten. He only wants to go to his old school. Forever. My heart crumbled into a billion pieces as I held his little crying body against my chest.

I reassured him the best I could and just held him and rocked him. He's not such a big boy after all.

I arranged "to bump into" his preschool teacher Mz. Lori at the Farmer's Market this morning. She took his hand and they walked around the market together, her chatting nonchalantly, but with a pure intention of putting him at ease. She explained to him in ways that he could understand that's he's ready for the next phase of his life. She's truly a miracle worker with kids because when we were leaving he promised to tell her all about kindergarten "because we're always going to be friends and part of each others lives forever." Knowing his Mz. Lori, that is very true.

Rascal and Mz. Lori, 2009

It got me thinking - what's next? I have been home with 1 or more kids underfoot for over 7 years. I can't imagine what I'll do all day without Rascal. With his silly smile, his goofy dances and his company.

Rascal at soccer camp, summer 2009

Will my new life at home without kids be as cool as going to kindergarten?!

Leaps and Bounds

I've been away from the blogging thing for a while now. I haven't really been inspired and I've just been plugging along day to day. Schedules and routines at home are out the window (Tonester is working the 4AM shift these days), summer vacation is in full swing and I still haven't gotten my groove back. I have been getting bogged down in the day to day grind of life and haven't really had a chance to step back and marvel at my kids. When I'm around them all day, every day, their quirks and temperaments feel more like a nuisance than something that "is what it is". It's difficult to see their growth and charm when there's no distance. Forrest through the trees...

Domino took me by surprise this weekend. Do you remember my description of him watching the fireworks last year at Disneyland? I cringe just thinking about it. This year for the 4th of July holiday we went to Silverado Country Club where they launch their own fireworks. Hundreds of people gather on the golfing green with their picnics (and wine!) and blankets and watch the show directly overhead. I have to confess, I thought I was nuts when I agreed to go, bracing myself for Domino's worst. When the fireworks started Domino was thrilled! He covered his ears but "oohed and ahhhhed" with the rest of us. He handled himself and his sensory issues like a pro.


But Domino's shocks didn't end there.

We went to the Foley's on the 4th for the annual bash. Each year they get a massive waterslide for the backyard and the big kids go nuts. In the past, Domino typically tiptoes down the slide and keeps his head dry at all times and calls it quits after about 10 minutes. This year? Much different! He stayed out there for about an hour, running and jumping, splashing and "wiping out". The water was freezing, his teeth were chattering, and we couldn't get him off the waterslide. Each time we thought he was ready to get out he'd announce "Just one more time!"

Cowabunga!

The kid might actually learn to swim someday!

His head is wet and he's happy about it!

Rascal is still Rascal - although I'm try to appreciate him for all of his Rascal-ness. We're having some ups and downs but I think kindergarten will be a great thing for us both. Summer vacation is hard for him - having to share more of his time with me and his toys with his brother - but he's also thrilled to have a constant companion. He creates all sorts of games with Domino that involve stuffed animals, playing cards and bowling pins.

He moves at a different pace than Domino. He's a different kid. With different needs that need to be honored and met. He doesn't like to be disappointed. He doesn't like to be wrong. He doesn't like feeling like things aren't fair. And he'll let you know it when he feels those things by stomping his feet down the hallway and slamming his bedroom door like a 13 year old girl. A little distance, a little time, and he's ready to play nice again. I can understand those feelings. Someone recently told me that when someone is pushing your buttons they are really showing you your "tikune" - or what you need to work on in yourself. Rascal will make a great teacher because he's showing me lots these days!

Overall I can say life is good. Looking at the big picture - it's a beautiful place to be.

Grandpa Skip

Dear Domino and Rascal,

Recently, your Grandpa Skip died. This was the first "real" death you've encountered in your life and you've had a lot of questions - some that I haven't been able to easily answer. We've talked a lot about my own dad dying and the kinds of things I do to honor and remember him each day. We've sat and read books about death written for kids, discussed our family's personal beliefs and even cried together.

You never had a chance to meet my dad. Grandpa Skip wasn't anything like my dad and I always felt like you both were cheated a bit in the grandpa department because of it. Grandpa Skip and I had very (VERY) different personal opinions, but it was always clear that he really loved your grandma and your dad, and from viewing all of the early photos of him and your cousins, he had once been a wonderfully active grandpa.

I never realized just how sick he had become until I saw photos of him during his "prime grandpa time". There were pictures of trips to little league games, afternoon swims with the cousins, and a wonderful story about holding your cousin Matt on his shoulders throughout the 49er's Superbowl victory parade in San Francisco - and how proud he was to share that moment with him. Your cousins spent weekends with him while your aunt and uncle went out of town to get away - and he made them pancakes for breakfast, bbq'd steak for dinner and homemade ice cream for dessert. He gave them horsey rides on all fours around the house and played games with them. He was very active in their lives and the volume of photos of them together reflects that.

Sadly, that was not the Grandpa that you 2 experienced. Grandpa Skip had been unhealthy for a very long time and the grandpa that you knew was somewhat home bound, reliant on oxygen tanks and nebulizers, and in and out of the hospital for pints of blood. He wouldn't go anywhere for long periods of time and even when gatherings were held at his house he would disappear into his 49er room to nebulize and nap. Often you 2 boys would play a silly chase game around his house and each time you'd run by his room you'd give him a silly little wave and shout out "Hi Grandpa!". I like to imagine he was giving you a wave back, but truth be told, I often wondered if he found your boundless energy annoying at that stage in his life. I never really saw him take too much interest in either of you and it always saddened me.

I feel like I let you both down, that I didn't encourage more of a relationship with him. The fact that we had just 3 photos total of you with him hit me hard when I was working on his memorial photo album. 100's of photos surfaced of your cousins and him but we had just 3. Not a single one of you as babies with him. Not a single one of you in your Halloween costumes trick or treating at his house like you used to do every year. Not on your birthday. Not on his birthday - which was just happened to celebrate the weekend before he died. Just 3 terrible photos that were taken at some gathering where you happened to be in the same shot.

I feel like I didn't properly honor his role in our family while he was alive but I will make sure you both honor him in 2 very important ways:

1) You will never smoke. Not even once. Not just to try it cuz your friends say it's cool. Never ever never ever ever smoke. Ever. The last 10 years of his life he spent managing the complications from emphysema and it wasn't pretty for any of us. He would be devastated if you ever followed down that path.
2) You will be 49er fans. There is no other option. You will yell and cheer and curse at the television when the 49ers play - and celebrate their success like it was your own.

I believe that would make him prouder than any of his words could ever say.

Egg Drop

Domino's school recently had its an annual "Egg Drop". The Egg Drop is a fun event where kids package up eggs in recycled materials with the goal of the egg being able to survive a launch off the roof by the teachers. It's a great time filled with a chorus of "ooh!"s "ahh!"s and "d'oh!!!"s as kids watch their eggs fly through the air and hit the ground with a resounding thud. Some packing withstands the impact beautifully, others packages explode on impact on the ground below leaving traces of Egg Drop hope and shredded paper bits behind like confetti after a huge New Years Eve bash.

Remains of Egg Drop causalities

Last year, Domino created "The Ruff Ride 360". His egg survived the plummet (probably because I did most of the packaging of the egg and made sure it could handle the impact). This year, Domino created "The Glider" - a tissue box filled with a cut up egg carton, covered in white butcher paper, with 2 yogurt cups taped to the sides like airplane wings. I left the design and creation to him and only offered suggestions as to what I thought might be big issues. It was difficult to be so "hands off" but I knew it was important for him to take ownership of his project. It was an important lesson for both of us. I assisted with a few test run tosses in the backyard and the egg came away in "egg-celent" condition (I "crack" myself up... someone stop me...).

This year, the Egg Drop rules were slightly different. All packing needed to be recyclable. That meant no tape. I wasn't aware of the "no tape" rule and when we arrived at the school we immediately had to modify The Glider and remove the yogurt cup wings and all tape holding the butcher paper on and the tissue box closed.

How'd his egg do?

The launch

The anticipation!

The inspection...

... the results - a hairline crack.

The agony of defeat!

Better luck next year!

The Flick

Long ago, the terrible parents we are, we created "the flick". Instead of spanking our kids - Tony (and I on very rare occasions) gives them a flick with his middle finger, typically in the middle of their forehead. It's usually enough to get their attention when they are at their worst, it stings a bit - is probably considered abuse by some - but they get over it quickly and it snaps out whatever demon they are currently being possessed by. It's not our proudest parenting accomplishment, but "it is what it is".

I worked at Domino's school yesterday. All the kids were sitting on the floor in front of the teacher for story time and I was at the back of the classroom assembling some homework packets. I noticed that Domino was involved in some sort of drama and was being questioned about it by his teacher. My ears perked up and I started to listen in to what was going on.

Girl #1 told Girl #2 that her hair and face are ugly. Domino was sitting in between the 2 of them and he defended Girl #2. The teacher overheard him talking smack back to Girl #1. Big discussion ensued with Girl #2 about how if something isn't true, "which this obviously isn't because you're a beautiful young lady with beautiful hair", then don't listen to Girl #1. When people are unhappy with their own lives and worlds they often try to hurt others to make themselves feel better. Makes perfect sense. Hard to grasp at age 7. Still hard to grasp even at 38.

I pulled Domino aside later and commended him for sticking up for Girl #2 and said I was very proud of him for defending her against someone so mean. He said "You know what Mom? Girl #1 needs to be flicked."

I agree.

The Proof Is In The Flip Video

Rascal: "Mom! Domino broke the DJ that I gave to him for his birthday!"

Domino: "I don't know what happened - it just broke when I was playing with it!"

A likely story.

Me: "Domino, was brother still video taping when DJ broke?"

Clearly, the light bulb goes on in his head...

Domino: "Uh... yes...."

Me: "Do you think the video will show us EXACTLY what you were doing to the car when it broke?"

Domino: "Probably..."

Me: "Do you think you can remember now what happened?"

Domino: "Um.... I might have hit it with my light saber."

Me: "You might have. Might have?"

Domino: "Um, yeah, I hit it with my light saber."

Mom: "Do you think the video will show me you only hitting it once?"

Domino: "Um.... probably not..."

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Out of the mouths of babes -- by Domino and Rascal (age 7 and 5)

1. What is something your mom always says to you? I love you (Rascal) I love you Domino (Domino)

2. What makes your mom happy? Kisses and hugs (Rascal) I say the same thing (Domino)

3. What makes mom sad? Making her angry (Rascal) Same thing for me (Domino)

4. How does your mom make you laugh? Tickling! (Rascal) Totally tickling (Domino)

5. What was your mom like as a child? A nice kid (Domino) No, a nice girl (Rascal)

6. How old is your mom? 37 (Domino) 37 too (Rascal) (thanks kids... wish it were true...)

7. How tall is your mom? I think she's about 60 - uh - I forget. (Domino) Um, is this a math game? I'm only in preschool. (Rascal)

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Get on the computer all day (Domino) Have coffee (Rascal)

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? She does homework and dishes (Rascal) She's still on the computer (Domino) (I blame Facebook!)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I think she'll be a movie star (Domino) and I think she'll be a rock star (Rascal)

11. What is your mom really good at? Typing (Domino) Taking showers (Rascal)

12. What is your mom not very good at? Eating all her popcorn (Rascal) Playing video games (Domino)

13. What does your mom do for her job? Works on her computer (Rascal) Does work for her boss on the computer (Domino)

14. What's your mom's favorite food? Those square kind of graham cracker things (Rascal) olive oil popcorn (Domino)

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Taking care of us (Domino) Giving me pop tarts (Rascal)

16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be? Princess Leia from Star Wars the Clone Wars (Domino) She would be Finuala from Star Wars the Clone Wars (Rascal).

17. What do you and your mom do together? We play (Rascal) same thing for me (Domino)

18. How are you and your mom the same? Because we love each other (Rascal) same thing for me (Domino)

19. How are you and your mom different? We're boys (Rascal) Yeah, that's right (Domino)

20. How do you know your mom loves you? Because she loves me with all my heart (Rascal) She gives me kisses every day (Domino)

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Starbucks (Rascal) Yeah - Starbucks starbucks starbucks. (Domino) No wait, I change my mind, I say Taco Bell (Rascal).

Fore

The family has been on "Spring Break" vacation this week. It's great that this week of vacation falls along Domino's birthday every year (public school = Spring Break at the first week of spring, not Easter...) and Tonester took a week of vacation to coincide.

We haven't done too much this week, trying to keep the $ in check, but yesterday was a bit of a splurge and we took the kids miniature golfing. They had never been before and it was a gorgeous day for an afternoon outdoors.

Domino enjoyed himself, but as with most sports, struggled to coordinate his mind and his body. Trying to get him to grip the club properly proved futile. That didn't deter him from having fun!


Rascal took to the game like a natural - even scoring a hole in one on the 3rd hole!!


And on the 4th hole, hit the ball with such power he sent it out past the hole and into the pond. Whoops!


A big splurge for the day was I went and got my hair cut and colored. It had been a year since I had my hair cut and was long over due for some professional color. It had actually been so long since I had my hair cut the boys were concerned - they were worried I was going to get my hair cut as short as theirs! Tonester did a great job of prepping them to praise the results and Domino called out as soon as I opened the door to the house (out of his line of vision) "You look awesome Mom!". I got a "wow" out of all three when I turned the corner. It felt nice.

The day felt nice.

Seven

0

This past week, Domino turned 7. My goodness - where have the years gone?!

1

2

In the past, Domino's birthday has been a huge affair. For his first birthday we invited our friends and family - and announced he was going to be a big brother. Other years we've had jumpy tent house parties, bowling alley parties and invited classrooms full of children. We have spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on birthday parties (more specifically EACH party), and I have spent endless hours planning everything from the theme, the homemade invitation, the food, the presents and of course "the perfect goody bag". Birthday parties in our house are typically a 2 day event - one party day for family and another for friends.

3

4

This year was way different. We couldn't afford to throw our usual "invite his entire class" type party and instead opted to just have just a family party. I was very concerned how Domino would react to this major downsizing and was surprised at how agreeable he was.

5

6

All in all - it was a nice birthday. I worked in his classroom for the day and got to witness the special birthday dance, celebrated his day with his classmates sharing his favorite lemon cookies and lemonade and then we went to dinner at his favorite "TR2". We had our immediate families over on Saturday for a nice lunch and cake and cozied up with a good DVD together that night. It was really all we needed.

7

I love you Domino. You are growing into such a wonderful young man. You have changed my world completely and I can't imagine how I lived without you in my life.


xoxo,
Mom

New Math

While driving in the car with Rascal:

"Mom! Look! Here comes Daddy's work!"

"Oh yeah? Can you see it yet?"

"Yeah! Ready! Herrrrrrreeeee it comes.....
annnnyyyy second now......
riiiiiiiiiight over here......
annnnnnyyyyyyyyy second......
almoooooooossssst.......
almoooooooossssttt.....
in 1....
2......
3.....
4....
5.....
5 and a quarter.....
5 and a half......
5 and 3 quarters.....
5 and 2 pennies.....
6 and a nickle and 4 dimes......
THERE!"

Something To Smile About - The Sequel

The Tooth Fairy is awfully busy around here this week!

I was on the phone when Domino lost his latest tooth. I was shocked by the amount of blood that was pouring out of his mouth - considering just how loose that tooth was. It was hanging on by a thread!
Domino took it very well. We rinsed his mouth out with water for about 5 minutes and then I had him bite down on a cold wet wash cloth for about 10 more minutes. It still looks gnarly and slightly oozy if you ask me...


Rascal on the other hand did not handle the event well. He's aware now that the Tooth Fairy will not be delivering him any silver dollars and he's making it very clear he's pissed and he thinks "it's not fair". I told him if he should happen to lose a tooth between now and bedtime, I'm sure the Tooth Fairy would hook him up with a silver dollar too.


He's now holed up in his bedroom, probably pouting and wiggling all his teeth.

Something To Smile About

I can't believe it! Rascal has lost his first tooth!


Go figure - he waited until I went to pick Domino up from school and he was alone with Tonester. I can't believe I missed it...

I hear he was a trooper. Bit into a cookie at Safeway and out it popped. He was calm and happy, unlike when his brother lost his first tooth. Tonester said he just sort of spat it out and said "Daaadddd.... I lost a tooooooo-oooooooooth. Hello? Are you listening to me? I said I lost my toooooooo-ooooooooth!"

The tooth looks so tiny in the big red Tooth Fairy envelope.

My little baby is really growing up.


Now if Domino would just get that tooth that is dangling out of his mouth by the end of today then the Tooth Fairy could make just one trip...

Learning To Learn

Something's going on with Domino. His teacher pulled me aside again yesterday (this is the 3rd time since the winter break) to discuss some classroom observations and wanted my take on the situation.

1st grade is tough for him. The curriculum is still far too easy for his abilities, but the teacher is forcing him beyond and he's breaking down. We're discovering that Domino doesn't know "how to learn".

Most kids you teach "how to learn". They go through steps, they learn through a process, information is learned in pieces and that information gathering and sorting sets up a problem solving process they will use repeatedly to learn more things down the road in life. Domino has never really had that process. He somehow magically learned to read early in life but we never taught him. We never sat down and said "sound this word out". He just shocked us by reading a book to us when he was 3 - a book we had never read to him before - and has continued to do so. Math has come just as easy, noticing patterns in numbers, and with an ability to recognize 4+ digit numbers during his first year of preschool. Kindergarten was a breeze and I knew that his growth would be social and not academic, and that was certainly what he needed at that time.

Here we are struggling academically in first grade. He isn't struggling with the 1st grade curriculum, but the special projects his teacher has designed for him because of his advanced academic level. The projects aren't really anything out of the ordinary, but they do require him to plan, research, take notes, determine the best way to present his findings to his class and then give an oral report. This is torture for the boy who just wants to zip through a pile of dittos and go play with his dog. And it's rough on me because I'm struggling "teaching him how to learn". He can't seem to grasp the idea that his project won't be completed in 10 minutes - but in 10 days.

Day one of the project research usually goes ok, there's still an excitement level and an interest in the topic (he gets to pick what "he wants to be an expert on") and it's fun to talk about different ideas. But the nitty gritty of the project, the research, the taking notes, the transferring the notes into a more formal writing, the "creative" part creating posters or other visual aides - it's all hell all the time. We fight, he screams and cries, I yell - it's awful. The process continues for days and days while "he" works on the project. And I end up pretty much spoon feeding him what he needs to write and do, completely defeating the entire process.

The good news is, the teacher is not letting him (or me) off the hook and we're going to continue to work on this skill with him. We have to engage that part of his brain and personality to shift and grow. That's the goal anyway...

On a much happier note, the boys had a great night last night. Rascal's school had a fundraising "night out" and he and Domino had a blast. They both used to go to this school together a few years ago and it was so wonderful to see them dive in and and play together again. Domino was totally comfortable there and Rascal thrilled in showing him all the new stuff that has come to the school since Domino's time there. Mz. Lori commented that they boys were glued to each other all night - not out of insecurity but through excitement and wanting to share all of their wonderful discoveries with the other.

Mz. Lori raved about Domino, said how enthusiastic and postive he still is. She said his imagination was thrilling and it was wonderful for me to remember even though he's struggling a bit with his new challenges - he's still my little Domino who used to ride the fire truck bicycle for hours at a time, launch ping pong ball catapults yelling "kaboom!" and just "played to learn".

The Flip (Video) Side

It's hard to be cranky when you have this to end your day every night.

****

Valentine's Day Savings

Convinced the kids to make cards out of our stash of pink construction paper: $8 saved
Convinced the kids to stay home and play Playstation instead of going to the movies: $40ish
Convinced Tonester that we should send the kids to Grandma's for the evening and we should have a quiet dinner at home with steaks from our freezer instead of going to Black Angus: $60+
Convinced Tonester to bypass the video rental and watch our DVRd shows: $5
Convinced Tonester that we shouldn't buy each other anything for Valentines day: $50+

Total savings? Well over $150. And the day? Awesome.

Vicious Circle

I have to say, Tonester's and my communication isn't what it used to be. The times we're together seem to be focused on our personal financial crisis. We're barking at each other for minor transgressions like - I have a light on in the kitchen while I'm at the laptop, he turns it off complaining about wasting electricity (aka $) but since I don't particularly enjoy squinting at handwritten faxes in the dark trying to read and type, we fight about it. A light. It's ridiculous. Neither of us can win.

This stress is now rubbing off on the boys. Rascal is constantly talking about money, how much things cost, can we buy that, do we have enough for that, "I'll share my piggy bank with you" (heartbreaker!). Domino's teacher pulled me aside and asked if I had noticed anything different with him at home. Yes. He's been a complete pain in the butt lately.

I think the stress levels at home have triggered a flare up of Domino's sensory intergration issues at school. He's distracted, can't focus and even though "he is one of the brightest in the class, he's struggling to complete his work". To help him with his sensory issues, I have been sending him to bed an hour earlier and sending him to school with his hat to cut out extra visual stimulation from above. Domino's classroom is beautiful, exciting and engaging - but total overload if you're a kid with SID. I spoke with the teacher yesterday and she has said he's making great improvements since I've implemented those changes. Hurray for that.

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Yesterday we had our taxes done (thanks for the IOU California! You suck!). I met Tonester there after dropping the boys off with his sister. After the taxes were done, I headed home solo to prepare for a school PTA meeting that night and assumed Tonester would follow shortly with the boys. But he didn't. I enjoyed the quiet of the house for a little while but I then realized that they wouldn't be home before I had to leave for my meeting at 6. And my "mom math" knows that was bad. There were dinners for them to eat, homework to do, baths to have, bedtime stories to tell - and it all needed to happen in less than 1 hour to keep in tune with Domino's new bedtime schedule. I left at 6 without a sight/sound of them.

Domino told me this morning that they all stayed up late watching Wipeout and he didn't go to bed until almost 9pm. 2 hours late on a school night. Didn't do his homework. Didn't do his daily independent reading. Didn't have a bath. Didn't brush his teeth. Tonester drove Domino to school this morning and because it's raining, Tonester decided that Domino didn't need his hat. Forget the fact that hat is to be worn INSIDE to eliminate the visual stimulation from above, he just blew it off.

I feel sabotaged. Tonester and I should be on the same team, but it feels like we're not.

Tonester really is the best husband I could have ever dreamed of, best father I could have hoped for. I know that his time with the boys (especially Domino) is few and far between these days and he wants to enjoy it as much as possible, but "checking out" for the night and ignoring your parental responsibilities so you can watch TV sucks. It perpetuates the ongoing "good cop bad cop" situation we've got going on in our house and it's not fair. To me. To the boys. It sets up 2 different sets of behavior standards and expectations and it's confusing.

Ok, so I don't know where this post is going. I guess it is sort of representative of what is going on here these days.... one stress leads to another, to another, to another - in a vicious circle.

Did I mention that Rascal has a very loose tooth?! The Tooth Fairy budget in the house has now doubled...

Family + Friends = Fun

MLK Day 2009

Note to self: Do more often.