Grandpa Skip

Dear Domino and Rascal,

Recently, your Grandpa Skip died. This was the first "real" death you've encountered in your life and you've had a lot of questions - some that I haven't been able to easily answer. We've talked a lot about my own dad dying and the kinds of things I do to honor and remember him each day. We've sat and read books about death written for kids, discussed our family's personal beliefs and even cried together.

You never had a chance to meet my dad. Grandpa Skip wasn't anything like my dad and I always felt like you both were cheated a bit in the grandpa department because of it. Grandpa Skip and I had very (VERY) different personal opinions, but it was always clear that he really loved your grandma and your dad, and from viewing all of the early photos of him and your cousins, he had once been a wonderfully active grandpa.

I never realized just how sick he had become until I saw photos of him during his "prime grandpa time". There were pictures of trips to little league games, afternoon swims with the cousins, and a wonderful story about holding your cousin Matt on his shoulders throughout the 49er's Superbowl victory parade in San Francisco - and how proud he was to share that moment with him. Your cousins spent weekends with him while your aunt and uncle went out of town to get away - and he made them pancakes for breakfast, bbq'd steak for dinner and homemade ice cream for dessert. He gave them horsey rides on all fours around the house and played games with them. He was very active in their lives and the volume of photos of them together reflects that.

Sadly, that was not the Grandpa that you 2 experienced. Grandpa Skip had been unhealthy for a very long time and the grandpa that you knew was somewhat home bound, reliant on oxygen tanks and nebulizers, and in and out of the hospital for pints of blood. He wouldn't go anywhere for long periods of time and even when gatherings were held at his house he would disappear into his 49er room to nebulize and nap. Often you 2 boys would play a silly chase game around his house and each time you'd run by his room you'd give him a silly little wave and shout out "Hi Grandpa!". I like to imagine he was giving you a wave back, but truth be told, I often wondered if he found your boundless energy annoying at that stage in his life. I never really saw him take too much interest in either of you and it always saddened me.

I feel like I let you both down, that I didn't encourage more of a relationship with him. The fact that we had just 3 photos total of you with him hit me hard when I was working on his memorial photo album. 100's of photos surfaced of your cousins and him but we had just 3. Not a single one of you as babies with him. Not a single one of you in your Halloween costumes trick or treating at his house like you used to do every year. Not on your birthday. Not on his birthday - which was just happened to celebrate the weekend before he died. Just 3 terrible photos that were taken at some gathering where you happened to be in the same shot.

I feel like I didn't properly honor his role in our family while he was alive but I will make sure you both honor him in 2 very important ways:

1) You will never smoke. Not even once. Not just to try it cuz your friends say it's cool. Never ever never ever ever smoke. Ever. The last 10 years of his life he spent managing the complications from emphysema and it wasn't pretty for any of us. He would be devastated if you ever followed down that path.
2) You will be 49er fans. There is no other option. You will yell and cheer and curse at the television when the 49ers play - and celebrate their success like it was your own.

I believe that would make him prouder than any of his words could ever say.