Rascal's Big Adventure

It seems like just yesterday that Rascal was born. Ok, that's a bold face lie. It doesn't feel like yesterday. Or the day before. Or the day before that...

Rascal, 2 days old

I can hardly remember the days before Rascal was part of our lives. He has something to do with that - the lack of memories - because he's kept me pretty busy the past 5+ years. The better portion of the first 3 years of his life is a complete blur and that's probably a good thing.

He came to us by surprise. My rapid labor and his flying entrance into the world was nothing like I had expected or experienced before. He became known as "brother", and Domino became known as that too. Interchangeable those 2 at times - and others as different as night and day. Just when I thought I had the hang of the parenting thing, Rascal would prove me wrong.

Rascal listened closely that very first morning in the hospital. I layed down the law pretty thick and quick. "You'd better get the hang of the breastfeeding and sleeping quick kiddo. I don't have time for games" I leaned into the hospital bassinet and warned him. He respectfully obliged as well as any infant could. It was still a struggle, 2 babies under a 1 1/2 years old, but we all came through it a stronger, if not completely exhausted, family.

Rascal, Mom & Domino, winter 2005 (age 2)

Rascal has been eagerly talking about going to school with his brother for a few years now, begging and pleading. He's crashed school field trips, dressed up on school spirit weeks, and has been included in all playdates with the big kids like he was part of the group. Rascal has even gone so far (on several occasions) as to bring a back pack with him to Domino's school and then "blending in" with the other kids who are shuffling off in line to class. He's squeaked past the teacher on more than once, disguised in Domino's hat and jacket, and is always sad when I silently grab his hand and walk him out the door to leave. "But I want to go to kindergarten!" he would cry out. "Soon enough." I'd tell him, "You've still got some learning to do at preschool first."

Rascal and Domino, school spirit "sports day", 2009 (age 5)

Rascal will be starting kindergarten next week. We "gave him the gift of time" and kept him another year at preschool. I can see now he's ready to go, can handle the academics and his emotions (for the most part). We've been talking about going to school with brother for months now, and I must confess even using it as a threat at times ("you can't sit like that if you want to go to kindergarten!"), and Rascal has been counting the days down on the calendar.

That is, until T-10 days and counting...

I found him in his room this weekend crying, listening to a CD I had made him for his preschool graduation. He told me he missed his teacher. He missed his school. He missed his friends. He missed his cubby. He didn't want to go to kindergarten. He only wants to go to his old school. Forever. My heart crumbled into a billion pieces as I held his little crying body against my chest.

I reassured him the best I could and just held him and rocked him. He's not such a big boy after all.

I arranged "to bump into" his preschool teacher Mz. Lori at the Farmer's Market this morning. She took his hand and they walked around the market together, her chatting nonchalantly, but with a pure intention of putting him at ease. She explained to him in ways that he could understand that's he's ready for the next phase of his life. She's truly a miracle worker with kids because when we were leaving he promised to tell her all about kindergarten "because we're always going to be friends and part of each others lives forever." Knowing his Mz. Lori, that is very true.

Rascal and Mz. Lori, 2009

It got me thinking - what's next? I have been home with 1 or more kids underfoot for over 7 years. I can't imagine what I'll do all day without Rascal. With his silly smile, his goofy dances and his company.

Rascal at soccer camp, summer 2009

Will my new life at home without kids be as cool as going to kindergarten?!

Leaps and Bounds

I've been away from the blogging thing for a while now. I haven't really been inspired and I've just been plugging along day to day. Schedules and routines at home are out the window (Tonester is working the 4AM shift these days), summer vacation is in full swing and I still haven't gotten my groove back. I have been getting bogged down in the day to day grind of life and haven't really had a chance to step back and marvel at my kids. When I'm around them all day, every day, their quirks and temperaments feel more like a nuisance than something that "is what it is". It's difficult to see their growth and charm when there's no distance. Forrest through the trees...

Domino took me by surprise this weekend. Do you remember my description of him watching the fireworks last year at Disneyland? I cringe just thinking about it. This year for the 4th of July holiday we went to Silverado Country Club where they launch their own fireworks. Hundreds of people gather on the golfing green with their picnics (and wine!) and blankets and watch the show directly overhead. I have to confess, I thought I was nuts when I agreed to go, bracing myself for Domino's worst. When the fireworks started Domino was thrilled! He covered his ears but "oohed and ahhhhed" with the rest of us. He handled himself and his sensory issues like a pro.


But Domino's shocks didn't end there.

We went to the Foley's on the 4th for the annual bash. Each year they get a massive waterslide for the backyard and the big kids go nuts. In the past, Domino typically tiptoes down the slide and keeps his head dry at all times and calls it quits after about 10 minutes. This year? Much different! He stayed out there for about an hour, running and jumping, splashing and "wiping out". The water was freezing, his teeth were chattering, and we couldn't get him off the waterslide. Each time we thought he was ready to get out he'd announce "Just one more time!"

Cowabunga!

The kid might actually learn to swim someday!

His head is wet and he's happy about it!

Rascal is still Rascal - although I'm try to appreciate him for all of his Rascal-ness. We're having some ups and downs but I think kindergarten will be a great thing for us both. Summer vacation is hard for him - having to share more of his time with me and his toys with his brother - but he's also thrilled to have a constant companion. He creates all sorts of games with Domino that involve stuffed animals, playing cards and bowling pins.

He moves at a different pace than Domino. He's a different kid. With different needs that need to be honored and met. He doesn't like to be disappointed. He doesn't like to be wrong. He doesn't like feeling like things aren't fair. And he'll let you know it when he feels those things by stomping his feet down the hallway and slamming his bedroom door like a 13 year old girl. A little distance, a little time, and he's ready to play nice again. I can understand those feelings. Someone recently told me that when someone is pushing your buttons they are really showing you your "tikune" - or what you need to work on in yourself. Rascal will make a great teacher because he's showing me lots these days!

Overall I can say life is good. Looking at the big picture - it's a beautiful place to be.

Grandpa Skip

Dear Domino and Rascal,

Recently, your Grandpa Skip died. This was the first "real" death you've encountered in your life and you've had a lot of questions - some that I haven't been able to easily answer. We've talked a lot about my own dad dying and the kinds of things I do to honor and remember him each day. We've sat and read books about death written for kids, discussed our family's personal beliefs and even cried together.

You never had a chance to meet my dad. Grandpa Skip wasn't anything like my dad and I always felt like you both were cheated a bit in the grandpa department because of it. Grandpa Skip and I had very (VERY) different personal opinions, but it was always clear that he really loved your grandma and your dad, and from viewing all of the early photos of him and your cousins, he had once been a wonderfully active grandpa.

I never realized just how sick he had become until I saw photos of him during his "prime grandpa time". There were pictures of trips to little league games, afternoon swims with the cousins, and a wonderful story about holding your cousin Matt on his shoulders throughout the 49er's Superbowl victory parade in San Francisco - and how proud he was to share that moment with him. Your cousins spent weekends with him while your aunt and uncle went out of town to get away - and he made them pancakes for breakfast, bbq'd steak for dinner and homemade ice cream for dessert. He gave them horsey rides on all fours around the house and played games with them. He was very active in their lives and the volume of photos of them together reflects that.

Sadly, that was not the Grandpa that you 2 experienced. Grandpa Skip had been unhealthy for a very long time and the grandpa that you knew was somewhat home bound, reliant on oxygen tanks and nebulizers, and in and out of the hospital for pints of blood. He wouldn't go anywhere for long periods of time and even when gatherings were held at his house he would disappear into his 49er room to nebulize and nap. Often you 2 boys would play a silly chase game around his house and each time you'd run by his room you'd give him a silly little wave and shout out "Hi Grandpa!". I like to imagine he was giving you a wave back, but truth be told, I often wondered if he found your boundless energy annoying at that stage in his life. I never really saw him take too much interest in either of you and it always saddened me.

I feel like I let you both down, that I didn't encourage more of a relationship with him. The fact that we had just 3 photos total of you with him hit me hard when I was working on his memorial photo album. 100's of photos surfaced of your cousins and him but we had just 3. Not a single one of you as babies with him. Not a single one of you in your Halloween costumes trick or treating at his house like you used to do every year. Not on your birthday. Not on his birthday - which was just happened to celebrate the weekend before he died. Just 3 terrible photos that were taken at some gathering where you happened to be in the same shot.

I feel like I didn't properly honor his role in our family while he was alive but I will make sure you both honor him in 2 very important ways:

1) You will never smoke. Not even once. Not just to try it cuz your friends say it's cool. Never ever never ever ever smoke. Ever. The last 10 years of his life he spent managing the complications from emphysema and it wasn't pretty for any of us. He would be devastated if you ever followed down that path.
2) You will be 49er fans. There is no other option. You will yell and cheer and curse at the television when the 49ers play - and celebrate their success like it was your own.

I believe that would make him prouder than any of his words could ever say.

Egg Drop

Domino's school recently had its an annual "Egg Drop". The Egg Drop is a fun event where kids package up eggs in recycled materials with the goal of the egg being able to survive a launch off the roof by the teachers. It's a great time filled with a chorus of "ooh!"s "ahh!"s and "d'oh!!!"s as kids watch their eggs fly through the air and hit the ground with a resounding thud. Some packing withstands the impact beautifully, others packages explode on impact on the ground below leaving traces of Egg Drop hope and shredded paper bits behind like confetti after a huge New Years Eve bash.

Remains of Egg Drop causalities

Last year, Domino created "The Ruff Ride 360". His egg survived the plummet (probably because I did most of the packaging of the egg and made sure it could handle the impact). This year, Domino created "The Glider" - a tissue box filled with a cut up egg carton, covered in white butcher paper, with 2 yogurt cups taped to the sides like airplane wings. I left the design and creation to him and only offered suggestions as to what I thought might be big issues. It was difficult to be so "hands off" but I knew it was important for him to take ownership of his project. It was an important lesson for both of us. I assisted with a few test run tosses in the backyard and the egg came away in "egg-celent" condition (I "crack" myself up... someone stop me...).

This year, the Egg Drop rules were slightly different. All packing needed to be recyclable. That meant no tape. I wasn't aware of the "no tape" rule and when we arrived at the school we immediately had to modify The Glider and remove the yogurt cup wings and all tape holding the butcher paper on and the tissue box closed.

How'd his egg do?

The launch

The anticipation!

The inspection...

... the results - a hairline crack.

The agony of defeat!

Better luck next year!

The Flick

Long ago, the terrible parents we are, we created "the flick". Instead of spanking our kids - Tony (and I on very rare occasions) gives them a flick with his middle finger, typically in the middle of their forehead. It's usually enough to get their attention when they are at their worst, it stings a bit - is probably considered abuse by some - but they get over it quickly and it snaps out whatever demon they are currently being possessed by. It's not our proudest parenting accomplishment, but "it is what it is".

I worked at Domino's school yesterday. All the kids were sitting on the floor in front of the teacher for story time and I was at the back of the classroom assembling some homework packets. I noticed that Domino was involved in some sort of drama and was being questioned about it by his teacher. My ears perked up and I started to listen in to what was going on.

Girl #1 told Girl #2 that her hair and face are ugly. Domino was sitting in between the 2 of them and he defended Girl #2. The teacher overheard him talking smack back to Girl #1. Big discussion ensued with Girl #2 about how if something isn't true, "which this obviously isn't because you're a beautiful young lady with beautiful hair", then don't listen to Girl #1. When people are unhappy with their own lives and worlds they often try to hurt others to make themselves feel better. Makes perfect sense. Hard to grasp at age 7. Still hard to grasp even at 38.

I pulled Domino aside later and commended him for sticking up for Girl #2 and said I was very proud of him for defending her against someone so mean. He said "You know what Mom? Girl #1 needs to be flicked."

I agree.

The Proof Is In The Flip Video

Rascal: "Mom! Domino broke the DJ that I gave to him for his birthday!"

Domino: "I don't know what happened - it just broke when I was playing with it!"

A likely story.

Me: "Domino, was brother still video taping when DJ broke?"

Clearly, the light bulb goes on in his head...

Domino: "Uh... yes...."

Me: "Do you think the video will show us EXACTLY what you were doing to the car when it broke?"

Domino: "Probably..."

Me: "Do you think you can remember now what happened?"

Domino: "Um.... I might have hit it with my light saber."

Me: "You might have. Might have?"

Domino: "Um, yeah, I hit it with my light saber."

Mom: "Do you think the video will show me you only hitting it once?"

Domino: "Um.... probably not..."

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Out of the mouths of babes -- by Domino and Rascal (age 7 and 5)

1. What is something your mom always says to you? I love you (Rascal) I love you Domino (Domino)

2. What makes your mom happy? Kisses and hugs (Rascal) I say the same thing (Domino)

3. What makes mom sad? Making her angry (Rascal) Same thing for me (Domino)

4. How does your mom make you laugh? Tickling! (Rascal) Totally tickling (Domino)

5. What was your mom like as a child? A nice kid (Domino) No, a nice girl (Rascal)

6. How old is your mom? 37 (Domino) 37 too (Rascal) (thanks kids... wish it were true...)

7. How tall is your mom? I think she's about 60 - uh - I forget. (Domino) Um, is this a math game? I'm only in preschool. (Rascal)

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Get on the computer all day (Domino) Have coffee (Rascal)

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? She does homework and dishes (Rascal) She's still on the computer (Domino) (I blame Facebook!)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? I think she'll be a movie star (Domino) and I think she'll be a rock star (Rascal)

11. What is your mom really good at? Typing (Domino) Taking showers (Rascal)

12. What is your mom not very good at? Eating all her popcorn (Rascal) Playing video games (Domino)

13. What does your mom do for her job? Works on her computer (Rascal) Does work for her boss on the computer (Domino)

14. What's your mom's favorite food? Those square kind of graham cracker things (Rascal) olive oil popcorn (Domino)

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Taking care of us (Domino) Giving me pop tarts (Rascal)

16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be? Princess Leia from Star Wars the Clone Wars (Domino) She would be Finuala from Star Wars the Clone Wars (Rascal).

17. What do you and your mom do together? We play (Rascal) same thing for me (Domino)

18. How are you and your mom the same? Because we love each other (Rascal) same thing for me (Domino)

19. How are you and your mom different? We're boys (Rascal) Yeah, that's right (Domino)

20. How do you know your mom loves you? Because she loves me with all my heart (Rascal) She gives me kisses every day (Domino)

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Starbucks (Rascal) Yeah - Starbucks starbucks starbucks. (Domino) No wait, I change my mind, I say Taco Bell (Rascal).