The boys are a few days shy of 18 months apart. The day we brought Rascal home, Domino's memory was developmentally such that he would immediately forget about being an only child. There wouldn't be that awkward "I hate the new baby" stage and for that, at that time, I was eternally grateful. I was exhausted (Domino NEVER slept for more than 2 hours at a time) and overwhelmed and it was a relief to know that I wouldn't have that to deal with.
I can see now, that lack of memory (or the way I have parented toward that lack of memory) has given Domino no clue about what "being a big brother" is about. The two of them are now so competitive that Domino will stop at nothing to get his way, to win the race, to get my attention.
We went to a birthday party recently and the 6 year old birthday girl repeatedly lost rounds of musical chairs just to aid and cheer her 3 year old brother on in the game. At jumpy houses and indoor tunnel maze places (and water play areas at Disneyland), I see older siblings grab the younger ones hand and guide them through while Domino delights in leaving Rascal in the dust. The pushing and shoving between the 2 boys on the 1 block walk home from the grocery store, just to see who can be the first one home and touch the garage, is like a WWE wrestling match.
When Rascal goes to a birthday party without Domino, goes to Safeway without Domino, or finds a bear at Trader Joes without Domino, he ALWAYS asks for an extra goody bag/cookie/pirate bucket treat to bring home for him. And he doesn't just get him a treat - he searches that pirate bucket at Trader Joes for THE PERFECT knick knack to surprise him with. He'll even ask if they have other cookies to choose from at Safeway because the one offered "is not Dom's favorite".
I had a long talk with Domino last night about his job as "the big brother". I pointed out that Rascal is just a little kid, he's 4, and that he's a big 6 year old 1st grader who needs to help him out and teach him things. I tried to name examples of the big kids in Domino's life who he looks up to and who looks out for him. I tried to explain how awesome it was that he gets to be "the big brother" and that Rascal will never have that chance.
Rascal was getting his pjs on last night and I could hear he was struggling with the shirt. I suggested to Domino that he go in and give him a hand. "Why?" "Because you are his big brother and he needs help." "I think he's fine Mom." "Just go."
Domino is a wonderful playmate (when he wants to be) and a wonderful brother (when he wants to be) but as far as "the big brother" - he couldn't care less.
Is the big brother stuff even something I should be bringing up to him? Domino is such a fantastic cheerleader for all the other kids (seriously, he's hilarious - it's part of his "play by play commentary" personality that he cheers for everyone) but his brother is the last person that he offers praise or encouragement to.
Are some kids just born better older siblings?
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