The Santa Game

I did it. I “played the Santa card”.

I promised myself I wouldn’t, but after 3 rounds of time outs all before 9:30 AM I said those words I vowed I wouldn't say. “Santa’s watching. Do you think this is going to get you on the naughty or nice list?”.

And you know what? It worked. All of my granola ways of “look at how your brother is feeling when you do that to him” or “Wait! I hear Rascal's words! Listen to what he’s saying please!” or “Together we’re better – and what you’re doing doesn’t feel better, does it?”. All of those things go in one ear and right out the other. Play the Santa card and bamn! Perfect angels.

I’m conflicted about the whole Santa charade. Santa should really be considered a scary man. A big strange man who sneaks into your house while you’re sleeping. Who wears a bizarre red suit and doesn’t shave and has a funky laugh. It’s no wonder so many children freak out when thrown on this man’s lap. That should be the normal reaction. The smart reaction. I don’t want to sit on some strange man’s lap and hope that he’s going to break into my house in the middle of the night – even if he promises to bring me presents.

So beyond the Santa Claus himself issues - what about the loot. Why is this strange man getting credit for the hours and hours of shopping, the awesome presents that *I* picked out with the love of my heart knowing exactly what the boys would enjoy, the endless wrapping, the massive bank account drainage… why does this stranger get to be the hero in all of this?

My early childhood guru/mentor Mz Lori had some wonderful words about the whole Christmas craziness that I have been thinking a lot about. Many of them I’ve tried to adopt this year.

Mz Lori never tells the kids about Santa. If they bring him up to her she always tries to create a level of magic and curiosity without ever speaking as truth. “I wonder…” and “I’ve heard it said…” when she’s approached. When we had a “Santa” come to the school to deliver books to the kids, she never called him Santa. The kids all made their assumptions based on his costume and she never lied. There were a lot of “Wow! Do you think?” coming out of her mouth, but never “hey kids – here’s Santa!”. When children were fearful, she explained to everyone that was a perfectly normal reaction to a strange person that you don’t know. She instilled a bit of stranger safety along with holiday wishes. Gotta love that.

She also commented during our monthly parent meeting that with her own children she always called it the “Santa game”. As they got older and they started to piece things together she would say “Do you want to keep playing the Santa game? It is kinda fun” and they could tell her one way or the other. I like the idea of it being a game, a game played with my kids that they can continue to play if they choose instead of having to explain how the world has been lying to them for years.

And probably the most important piece of advice I’m trying to take to heart this year is that these years are the precedent setting years. If you go overboard, they’ll expect that again next year. And the year after. And so on. She said the best gift under the tree should be from the parents, not the strange man in the red suit. I haven’t quite figured out how that works when my boys have written a letter to Santa asking for something specific, but perhaps just that item and the stocking stuffers are from Santa and the other great stuff is from the real heroes of Mom & Dad.

I’m still sorting it all out and figuring out what our family’s truth about the holiday is and will be. For many the holiday is about religion and for us that is not the case. What I’d like to see the holiday be about is family, and what our family can do for each other to show how much we love and appreciate each other...

… without threat of being put on a naughty list.