Vicious Circle

I have to say, Tonester's and my communication isn't what it used to be. The times we're together seem to be focused on our personal financial crisis. We're barking at each other for minor transgressions like - I have a light on in the kitchen while I'm at the laptop, he turns it off complaining about wasting electricity (aka $) but since I don't particularly enjoy squinting at handwritten faxes in the dark trying to read and type, we fight about it. A light. It's ridiculous. Neither of us can win.

This stress is now rubbing off on the boys. Rascal is constantly talking about money, how much things cost, can we buy that, do we have enough for that, "I'll share my piggy bank with you" (heartbreaker!). Domino's teacher pulled me aside and asked if I had noticed anything different with him at home. Yes. He's been a complete pain in the butt lately.

I think the stress levels at home have triggered a flare up of Domino's sensory intergration issues at school. He's distracted, can't focus and even though "he is one of the brightest in the class, he's struggling to complete his work". To help him with his sensory issues, I have been sending him to bed an hour earlier and sending him to school with his hat to cut out extra visual stimulation from above. Domino's classroom is beautiful, exciting and engaging - but total overload if you're a kid with SID. I spoke with the teacher yesterday and she has said he's making great improvements since I've implemented those changes. Hurray for that.

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Yesterday we had our taxes done (thanks for the IOU California! You suck!). I met Tonester there after dropping the boys off with his sister. After the taxes were done, I headed home solo to prepare for a school PTA meeting that night and assumed Tonester would follow shortly with the boys. But he didn't. I enjoyed the quiet of the house for a little while but I then realized that they wouldn't be home before I had to leave for my meeting at 6. And my "mom math" knows that was bad. There were dinners for them to eat, homework to do, baths to have, bedtime stories to tell - and it all needed to happen in less than 1 hour to keep in tune with Domino's new bedtime schedule. I left at 6 without a sight/sound of them.

Domino told me this morning that they all stayed up late watching Wipeout and he didn't go to bed until almost 9pm. 2 hours late on a school night. Didn't do his homework. Didn't do his daily independent reading. Didn't have a bath. Didn't brush his teeth. Tonester drove Domino to school this morning and because it's raining, Tonester decided that Domino didn't need his hat. Forget the fact that hat is to be worn INSIDE to eliminate the visual stimulation from above, he just blew it off.

I feel sabotaged. Tonester and I should be on the same team, but it feels like we're not.

Tonester really is the best husband I could have ever dreamed of, best father I could have hoped for. I know that his time with the boys (especially Domino) is few and far between these days and he wants to enjoy it as much as possible, but "checking out" for the night and ignoring your parental responsibilities so you can watch TV sucks. It perpetuates the ongoing "good cop bad cop" situation we've got going on in our house and it's not fair. To me. To the boys. It sets up 2 different sets of behavior standards and expectations and it's confusing.

Ok, so I don't know where this post is going. I guess it is sort of representative of what is going on here these days.... one stress leads to another, to another, to another - in a vicious circle.

Did I mention that Rascal has a very loose tooth?! The Tooth Fairy budget in the house has now doubled...

Family + Friends = Fun

MLK Day 2009

Note to self: Do more often.

Much Ado About Nothing

Yes. I know. It's been forever since I posted anything. My life has been pretty full in the "real world" lately.

My boss retired on Tuesday, which meant he faxed me this past weekend every project he's been putting off completing for the past 4 years. Hundreds of pages of faxes would come in each day. And just when I would be thinking I was working on my last page, he'd send over another dozen or so. The deluge of work came in during the last couple of days of the boys' winter break and what I had hoped would be a quiet end to 2008 became a harried flurry of faxes and kids screaming at the TV playing with our electronic babysitter named "Playstation" for days at a time. They didn't mind nearly as much as I did.

My "work from home" environment leaves a lot to be desired in the ergonomic department. Most of the time I sit at my kitchen table and hope I don't get a pinch in my shoulders. I'm freezing, my back is up to a cold window and our heater is set at 61 degrees. My hands, feet and nose are perpetually chilled and I'm creating a permanent butt groove in the bench of our breakfast nook.

On top of my paid work, I have Board and Parent meeting minutes that I'm several months behind editing and filing, Advisory board meetings to attend, 2 classrooms to work in, a list of library books to hunt down for 1st grade plus a new special project that Domino has been assigned through the "Teaching Gifted Children In The Regular Classroom" program at his school that I have to focus on.

There's dishes and laundry to wash, dinners to make, and all of the other stresses of normal life.

Rascal has woken me up in the middle of the night 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Last night Tonester was working until 3AM and I awoke with a start of find Rascal kneeling up on Tonester's side of the bed with his face right up to mine. He had a nightmare about an armadillo that wouldn't stop rolling into him (?!) so I walked and sang him back to bed.

I just want to curl up and take a long nap. I'll get back into the blog swing of things again soon.

"I Wonder..."

Reason #2097 to love Mz. Lori. "I wonder..."

You might remember a post I wrote last year about my conflict about the Santa charade. This year, Santa is understandably HUGE with the boys. At 5 & 6, I don't think Santa and the holiday gets any more magical.

But there's signs of doubt. Almost every Christmas episode we've DVRd addresses the doubt. From "The Polar Express" about a boy who is on a quest to believe (or not believe?) to "Holly Jolly Jimmy", a Jimmy Neutron episode that features Jimmy attempting to scientifically prove that Santa doesn't exist. Where they would have blindly believed, my boys are starting to question more about Santa and what is real.

We took the kids to the mall yesterday to do the obligatory "sit on Santa's lap". While we were waiting in line, Rascal asked:

"Mom? Is that the real Santa?"
"Hmmm.... I wonder.... what do you think?" (thanks Mz. Lori!)
"Well, there's lots of presents around him. Santa gives presents to kids."
"Wow! That's a great observation Rascal!
"So, I think yes, it IS the real Santa."
"Santa really IS the spirit of giving!"


And what about Domino you ask? He sat down on Santa's lap and complained about a present he didn't get last year (!) (which he didn't ask for by the way) and presented Santa with a verbal assault of his desires for Christmas this year. And the things on his list? Not ONE that he has been talking about for the past 2 months, but instead an entirely new list that would involve some miracle workers at the north pole and a miracle worker at the bank!

I know he'll be thrilled with what "Santa" has been able to provide this year and I'll coach him a little better for the lap chat next year...

Time Honored Tradition

The boys and I made Christmas sugar cookies. I had never let them lick the beaters before and they were thrilled when I presented each with one. When Domino was finished with his beater, Rascal had to inspect it to make sure he wasn't leaving anything good behind. He gave Domino's beater a few extra licks just to be sure.

Hiding Out

I didn't forget about you. Really. It's just been - well - busy and boring (sometimes simultaneously) around here.

My boss is retiring at the end of the month and attempting to tie up all loose ends before he leaves, which means my work load has increased significantly - at least for the time being. I have no idea if "my services" will still be needed when his replacement is hired (seriously, who needs to hire someone in this day and age to transcribe 2 faxed sentences because they don't know how to type an email?!) so I'm trying to make the best of it all while I can. The kids and husband aren't always entirely supportive ("you're working AGAIN?"), I've met with my boss more times in the past 3 weeks than I have total since I was hired 2 years ago, and at the end of the day when I just want to curl up and watch The Office and 30 Rock - I have another pile of faxes to type. It's been very stressful and I have to admit, I haven't been balancing all my plates very well.

The boys are officially on their 3 week winter break. Yes, you read that right - THREE WEEKS OF VACATION. Last year, the school district spaced out the vacation nicely and we had the 3rd week of vacation take place during the first week of January. For whatever reason, this year the vacation begins a week earlier so Santa will have one week less of shopping time before the holiday - cuz you know I'm not draggin' those 2 out shopping with me unless I absolutely have to. It's hard enough just going to Safeway with them to pick up stuff for dinner without one asking for the moon and the other complaining he wants to go home. The thought of heading out to do holiday shopping with them makes me want to curl up in a ball and swear off all commercialism - which isn't really a bad idea considering the state of our current financial affairs...

But life isn't all me complaining (although I think Tonester would disagree with that statement lately) and we played hooky from school one day this week to check out the California Academy of Sciences in San Francisco. The planetarium show blew our minds, the rain forest was unbelievable and the aquariums were out of this world. We enjoyed lunch outside on a gorgeous and VERY sunny SF afternoon, marveled at skeletons, pendulums and laughed at the very entertaining penguins. At times, I couldn't tell who was more excited to see something, the adults or the kids!

Here's a few photos of the fun.

Thanksgiving Thanks

It's official - Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

For the first time that I can remember in a long (long!) time, my family was together for Thanksgiving. For many years, Tonester's side of the family laid claim to the day and my family would try to gather "some time" during the holiday season. One year my family couldn't get their schedules coordinated and we actually exchanged some holiday gifts at Domino's bday in March.

I've decided to be the squeaky wheel and have now hosted 2 holidays at my house - even being so brave as to tackle the bulk of the cooking solo. I followed up Thanksgiving Day this year with my side of the family with a "Thanksgiving - The Sequel" with Tonester's side of the family the following day. And I enjoyed every minute of it!

The table setting

I resurrected my parents "wedding china" for the day. It's a gloriously awful pattern that I have grown to love for it's kitsch factor. When my dad passed away I inherited almost all of his "stuff". I was only 22 at the time and I lived in a studio apartment that I now refer to as "the blue box". Storage space was nonexistent and I let a lot of my dads stuff go - but something made me hold on to that china. I'm not sure if my sister knew it was still floating around because she seemed pretty surprised to see it.

My Side

This is one of my favorite photos of the day. Yes, it's a horrible photo, but it's a very important one to me. It's a picture of my brother and sister, their kids and my mom. It's a very rare thing to have them all seated at one table together.

What I'm most thankful for...

And what would the holiday be without Tonester and our boys goofing around?!

Bridging The (Small) Generation Gap

Another of my favorite photos - cousins bonding over computer games.

3 D's.

My brother and his beautiful kids.

I wish I had taken so many more photos, but instead I was enjoying "being in the moment".

Thank you to my entire family for making it such a special day. I am truly thankful.

xoxo,
N