Vicious Circle

I have to say, Tonester's and my communication isn't what it used to be. The times we're together seem to be focused on our personal financial crisis. We're barking at each other for minor transgressions like - I have a light on in the kitchen while I'm at the laptop, he turns it off complaining about wasting electricity (aka $) but since I don't particularly enjoy squinting at handwritten faxes in the dark trying to read and type, we fight about it. A light. It's ridiculous. Neither of us can win.

This stress is now rubbing off on the boys. Rascal is constantly talking about money, how much things cost, can we buy that, do we have enough for that, "I'll share my piggy bank with you" (heartbreaker!). Domino's teacher pulled me aside and asked if I had noticed anything different with him at home. Yes. He's been a complete pain in the butt lately.

I think the stress levels at home have triggered a flare up of Domino's sensory intergration issues at school. He's distracted, can't focus and even though "he is one of the brightest in the class, he's struggling to complete his work". To help him with his sensory issues, I have been sending him to bed an hour earlier and sending him to school with his hat to cut out extra visual stimulation from above. Domino's classroom is beautiful, exciting and engaging - but total overload if you're a kid with SID. I spoke with the teacher yesterday and she has said he's making great improvements since I've implemented those changes. Hurray for that.

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Yesterday we had our taxes done (thanks for the IOU California! You suck!). I met Tonester there after dropping the boys off with his sister. After the taxes were done, I headed home solo to prepare for a school PTA meeting that night and assumed Tonester would follow shortly with the boys. But he didn't. I enjoyed the quiet of the house for a little while but I then realized that they wouldn't be home before I had to leave for my meeting at 6. And my "mom math" knows that was bad. There were dinners for them to eat, homework to do, baths to have, bedtime stories to tell - and it all needed to happen in less than 1 hour to keep in tune with Domino's new bedtime schedule. I left at 6 without a sight/sound of them.

Domino told me this morning that they all stayed up late watching Wipeout and he didn't go to bed until almost 9pm. 2 hours late on a school night. Didn't do his homework. Didn't do his daily independent reading. Didn't have a bath. Didn't brush his teeth. Tonester drove Domino to school this morning and because it's raining, Tonester decided that Domino didn't need his hat. Forget the fact that hat is to be worn INSIDE to eliminate the visual stimulation from above, he just blew it off.

I feel sabotaged. Tonester and I should be on the same team, but it feels like we're not.

Tonester really is the best husband I could have ever dreamed of, best father I could have hoped for. I know that his time with the boys (especially Domino) is few and far between these days and he wants to enjoy it as much as possible, but "checking out" for the night and ignoring your parental responsibilities so you can watch TV sucks. It perpetuates the ongoing "good cop bad cop" situation we've got going on in our house and it's not fair. To me. To the boys. It sets up 2 different sets of behavior standards and expectations and it's confusing.

Ok, so I don't know where this post is going. I guess it is sort of representative of what is going on here these days.... one stress leads to another, to another, to another - in a vicious circle.

Did I mention that Rascal has a very loose tooth?! The Tooth Fairy budget in the house has now doubled...