Where have I been you ask? I’ll tell you. Hell.
And hell has a crashed hard drive. And a boss out of town who keeps dumping more and more work on you when you have no computer. So you are forced to wedge your very adult (and then some) size butt into a preschool sized desk that belongs to your kids. And then you are forced to use a computer from 1999 (that’s right, not even from this millennium) on DIAL UP to access the many emails your boss has sent that all say “need ASAP”. Then you are forced to type documents from efaxes that your boss unknowingly has sent upside down. And you have no printer connected to the prehistoric computer so you have stick your head upside down to read the faxes on a 15 inch monitor smudged with cookie crumbs and greasy fingerprints and write them all out by hand just so you can type them all up. And the space bar key is broken from your oldest child hammering the crap out of it playing the Toy Story 2 video game. So when you type you get (space space space space) a (space space space space) lot (space space space) more (space space space space) spaces (space space) than (space space space) you (space space space space) really (space space space space) want (space space space) so (space space space space) you (space space ) have (space space space space) to backspace between every word.
And then, you get your computer back the following week with a completely wiped hard drive and you have to start a bionic rebuild without any technical skills. After messing around with the inoperable email on your own for a few days, you spend 3 full hours in one sitting with the tech “support” chat folks at Earthlink and are forced to deal with “Maj P” who tells you no less than 15 times that he’s “done all he can do today” and that the “problems you are experiencing are not with Earthlink”. So you scream into the chat window TRANSFER ME TO YOU SUPERVISOR NOW!!!! which s/he does. And the supervisor remotely logs into your computer and within 10 minutes has completely solved the problem. The same problem that 3 hours of tech support with “Maj P” resulted in insistence it was not their problem.
And then there’s still the trouble with Netgear, the folks who have their very own special corner of hell. The folks who CHARGE you for customer service. Oh yes, if your Netgear is out of whack, it’s going to cost you $36.50 for 30 minutes of support. The same painful support you were forced to use when you first installed the Netgear about 3 years ago, and you first experienced “outsourcing” to a foreign land and had to ask the person to repeat every single thing they said. Sometimes twice. So you do the mental math about how long it took you to install the router with their help 3 years ago and you decide that it would be cheaper to hire a local person to come and fix it. But nobody will return your calls about it. Probably heard the word “Netgear” and laughed their butts off on the other end. Then you find someone that is highly recommended, you start talking with them, they keep making you feel more and more desperate, and then they hit you with the whammy. Travel time fees. Yes, because your city is the bastard step child of
Then you feel this burning in your shoulders from the stress and the very non-ergonomically correct corner where you are forced to spend many hours plugged into the DSL router tinkering with wireless settings, IP address configurations, downloading and installing patches, chatting with support folks that are anything but supportive. So you buy what looks like a good product – a patch you stick on your neck and shoulders that heats up to relieve the tension. But the manufacturer of this product has a wicked sense of humor and they’ve created a product that is supposed to stick to your body, specifically an area that should be allowed to move somewhat freely, and they’ve made this patch out of a piece of cloth with zero flexibility. So you bend the wrong way and you accidentally pop it off your shoulders with the adhesive taking a layer of flesh with it. Then the adhesive side whips up and attaches firmly into the hair at the base of your neck.
So you think to yourself – what the hell else could go wrong?! And then your 5 year old throws up at your feet.
*Updated 11/19. Domino is feeling much better today. A full day on the couch watching Nascar racing and normally banned shows like Power Rangers and he's up and running with no sign of cooties. I'm keeping a close eye on Rascal just in case it's a 24 hour thing.
Also up and running is my wireless network! The "Wizard" came out today and spent almost 3 hours solving the myriad of problems. I was really relieved to see him struggle with it because I realized it was worth every penny that I was paying him. Unfortunately, I hadn't expected it to take him as long as it did and I didn't have enough cash - even after raiding the kids piggy banks. So, I paid the balance in my old Star Wars crew gear. Sort of a bummer to lose those things, but my sanity is worth much more than a Yoda mug and a Star Wars backpack.
1 comment:
OOOhhhhhh my gosh, honey, I cannot even IMAGINE the hell you experienced. Yikes.
Please don't get me started on foreign outsourcing. WORTHLESS -- the whole lot of them. "Raj P" heheh. that was funny!
In one of my fun experiences with outsourced help(less) desks, I actually said, "Can I please speak to someone who speaks English?" And he says, "Vell...I spiek Engleeesh." I said, "No....you don't." :)
Bitter. Yeah, that's what I was. :)
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